early a.m.
shifting covers
staring at the ceiling, i think
of the unknown
the possible
still evades
or am i
today was an introspective day. i visited with a friend and we explored the next door town, laughter and shared smiles, coffee of course, and talk of new ventures.
my friend lives in the realm of absolutes and is often immobile pending guarantees. having discovered for myself there are none to be had, i find i am remarkably fluid; willing to flow in any direction and somewhat restless for seeking something to draw my attention and not really finding it.
it is all but a certainty that i need to bring the old domains back online and ‘do something’ with them. but the immediate cringing keeps me from doing more than thinking of it. i know there is no such thing as safety, security… why do i continue looking for it? i’m puzzled with myself.
in other news, i made a liar of myself today. i don’t mind it, of course, but it was interesting how such an indistinct and nebulous glimmer on a mountain top should so easily catch my imagination and stir willingness to second guess myself. in this moment, it feels something of a foolishness, for, in all likelihood, i am all too clearly revealed as someone who doesn’t do ‘half measures’ and, as usual, that’s enough to send most people scurrying for the closest exit.
i suppose we’ll see, won’t we?
this is something of a random, rambling entry. i picked up a new notebook today. my thought was to spend the day at the open eye and jot down thoughts and imagery from which to write something more solid. instead, i wound up visiting with the friend and watching an old comedic favorite. the laughter did us both good, but i am missing the time and experience of people watching and spontaneous verbosity.
did i mention i feel restless? i ponder the notion of breaking out, into something new and different. it has been a while since i’ve let myself be truly free anywhere outside my head. i’m thinking that really needs to change, and there is a certain impetus toward the unusual or the extreme that i am allowing to spiral into being…. who knows where it will lead. sometimes, not knowing is attractive, enjoyable.
while visiting my friend today, i noticed their desktop background. synchronicity, hah. it was an image of the sun’s path. a sunpath. i asked them to email it to me. it just arrived. you’d have to read here pretty deeply to understand, but it’s likely as well that you don’t. to you, it’s a curious and possibly mundane thing. to me…. well, i’ll call it a poignant reminder and leave it at that.