i have, it seems, finally learned the lesson of not counting my chickens before they hatch.
about a week ago, my employer brought to me something that was, essentially, a dream come true opportunity. they asked me to research the budget to make it happen and also, to help complete documentation that would serve toward the transition into it.
naturally, i have been a busy little beaver getting that done because i really want the outcome they have set before me.
today, in conversation with them, suddenly there are all manner of qualifiers. when pressed, they admitted it likely will not happen soon, if ever.
i have the distinct impression this was their way of getting more out of me than they are paying me to produce, which is bothersome for several reasons, most of which you can infer.
it has taken me some amount of time in my professional life (and my personal one, now that i think upon it) to be willing to say ‘no’ to people when they are trying to take advantage of me. it has been a real struggle for me because i truly enjoy helping, i like being someone who can ‘get it done’ when it seems no one else can, and i take a good deal of comfort in being such a person.
of course, traditionally, it has only meant that people take me for granted, abuse my willingness to help, and consistently forget me as soon as they’ve gotten what they wanted. in several instances, this manner of happening at work has preceded losing my job (layoffs in all but one case).
so, naturally, i’m a bit fidgety now… and frankly, a little bit angry. this company has botched my taxes, reneged on benefits and raises, and generally made it extremely difficult to continue justifying working for them. i have remained because i genuinely like the people and truly believe the company and what they’re providing is worthy of support. but it’s getting harder and harder to justify and this latest episode makes me wonder if i’m just being naive and foolish… again.
i suppose we’ll see. consider me sighing.