rented and watched lawrence of arabia. my first time seeing it. interesting movie about a human used for his virtues as well as his vices, and sent along home to live out life as best he might manage once he’d outlived his use. a desert flick, too. i found that rather amusing, considering. still, it killed four hours.
as is usual when there’s nothing better to do and no one about to consider doing it with, i notice the sounds and thoughts inside my head. times like this, i think i should get back into a regular meditation schedule. of course, there is also a certain benefit to just letting it roll as it will and focusing my efforts not so much on trying to quiet what is here but on trying to let it rise and pass and just keep my grip on the raft and hope the lashings hold.
life is not as complex as my mind sometimes tries to make it seem. indeed, it is really quite simple. what is, is… and what is not, is not.
the issue, of course, is keeping that firmly in mind. not as easy as it may seem at times. at times, it very much feels like i am little more than flotsam on the ocean.
i find it interesting how certain themes and symbols show up in my thoughts and writing. fire and water do not mix well but i suppose they do so better than oil and water. good thing no one gets what i’m talking about but me.
it is, of course, a spasm. and will pass as they all do. but, for now, seeing as i cannot forestall it, i’ll give it space to go to and hope there are no corners or sharp objects in the way.
i am reminded in this moment of a dream not too long ago. i never like the feeling of dreams becoming reality… mostly because it seems to evidence that it’s all just a dream and the only real difference is my own awareness of it.
that is a decidedly buddhist thought and i let it comfort me.
it’s just a little sorrowed talk.