my daughter sent me an e-card for mother’s day. i know i will not hear from my son. i think of my real mother who died in 2003 and my real mother who lives in conyers and is getting older in that visible way that makes you so tender and pensive toward them.
i think about my friend in new jersey, whose mother died just months ago and how this day will be hard on them. i’m about to give them a call.
i think about my friend in georgia, who was very close to and for many years lived with his mother. and how he now spends most every day in solitude. i am going to try to call them today as well.
i think about my friend in virginia, who is estranged from their mother and has so often spoken of wishing it were different and whose anger and pride will not permit them to take the steps to do more than wish it. i cannot do more than listen and empathize, so this is what i do.
i think about my friend overseas, whose wife is having her first mother’s day, and i hope they have made it suitably memorable. the first mother’s day is its own special thing. there is nothing of me that has place or would be accepted here, so i will send only good thoughts and wishes for happiness and delight.
i think about the buddhist belief that we have all, somewhere in time, been one another’s mother. and how this is reminded so we will develop compassion and care for all beings, and treat everyone tenderly and with the honor we reserve for the love, protectiveness, and giving of the mother in remembrance of this belief.
i think about the many young adults and children i have ‘been mother’ to over the years. i think about how i never considered they would consider me so until one of them told me how they all had. you just never know how your thoughts, words, and deeds are going to shape or shift the world of others, do you?
i sit here and cry, very softly, wishing i could share the sadness of those who miss or feel unloved by their mother. i sit here and smile, very gently, wishing i could share the contentment of those who enjoy the warmth and presence of their families today. i sit here and sigh, wishing it were possible to lift the weight of certain thoughts that i will not mention here.
as always, meaning is where we find it.
i know those who consider this day no different than any other. in this moment of practice, i thank them for demonstrating to me the concept of ‘one taste’.
i know those who consider this day a burden. in this moment of practice, i thank them for demonstrating to me the concept that distinction and discrimination create suffering.
i know those who consider this day a present to another. in this moment of practice, i thank them for demonstrating to me the concept of care and love for others.
it occurs to me that the wisdom of considering every day a gift has many layers. it also occurs to me that i do not spend nearly enough time being mindful in recognizing all of them in my life.
the thing that sparked this post is very tightly related to the previous sentence. it is important to immediately react to a oversight when one discovers it. both to mark it for mindful focus, to at least outline the shape of the pattern and how to shift or shatter it if needed, and to continuously be willing to accept and admit that there is room for growth, improvement, and refinement in how one thinks… as all things of one extend from one’s thoughts.
i began this post feeling alone, only superficially remembered, and sad. i end it feeling peaceful, content, and accepting. this day is no more or less than any other. the gifts of today are given to me by myself. i choose which perspective i will hold, or if i will hold any.
i honor the many around me who, by their words and deeds, bring me the things necessary to experience, learn, and be well.
namaste.