not a bad day, for a monday. work is settling a bit now that i’m on the help project full time and not having to mess with all the rest (that inevitably puts me in the sights of the co-worker). i cannot help but chuckle at the dogged avoidance she is giving what i’m doing. it’s going to land with a vengeance when i am finished and heading out.
in other news…
there really isn’t any other news. i’m at a curiously ‘blank’ point emotionally. usually it means something is about to shake itself loose but i cannot yet tell what precisely is going to drop. and for the first time in a while, i’m not going to give it any thought.
i am experimenting with using practice to keep myself out of the weeds emotionally. we’ll see how it goes. it’s interesting… when i began active practice almost two years ago, the last thing i ever thought about doing was ‘doing nothing’. more and more often lately, ‘doing nothing’ seems not only to be the right response, but the most peaceful one.
don’t get me wrong, my head still fair spins with all manner of thoughts and the emotions still bubble up and roil like la brea on a hot day… but the feeling that i “need” to do more with any of it is rather missing. i find i’m glad of it. the sheer relief of not feeling compelled to act is rather intense.
of course, having this place helps. i tend to groan and moan here far more than i do out loud or day to day. sometimes i feel as if this place gives all of you the wrong idea. particularly those of you who have never met me. those who have know that it’s more a ‘still waters run deep’ thing.
suddenly, i feel as if i am going to cry. guess i’ll indulge.
hope your day went well.