i think the hardest part of this is the realization that at no point was it ever really open to discussion. the full year and a half, i was walking in a fog. i never expected when it got to the choice, that between ‘either let me legitimately into your life’ or ‘place me forever out of your life’ it would really be so easy a choice to make, so much so that it could fall like a guillotine.
i pulled the rope that released it, of course. and a year and a half too late (wry grin). i’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that i actually expected there was any possibility whatever that an option existed in his mind other than ‘place me forever out of your life’.
no contest. as if there ever could be. i really am a fool.