well. a pretty big day. the first dental office i went to has neatly separated themselves from ‘the finances’ of it all by pushing people at a finance company and basically saying, ‘we don’t want to hear about it unless you can pay at time of service.’ so i was on the hunt for a new dentist and pretty much back to square one.
my roomie referred me to his dentist and i went today for their initial exam. as usual, the phobia kicked in the minute i sat in the chair and humiliated me. i had to explain (they asked and apparently they see this kind of thing enough that they’ve figured out asking and listening helps… or something) and thus, the story:
i grew up in a children’s home and the home had an arrangement with a dentist to do pro bono work on the kids. i didn’t find out until years later that the things that went on in that dentist’s ‘office’ (i.e., the basement of the administration building for the home) were not usual, not the norm, and not something a kid should ever have to endure.
no anesthetic. no shots before drilling. physical abuse if we cried or wouldn’t/couldn’t sit still in the chair. a trip ‘to the dark room’ for a scary slap session or being shaken into the wall and threatened if we complained or said we were going to tell.
that ‘dentist’ took just a little too much enjoyment in scaring, dominating, and hurting the kids he treated… if you know what i mean.
to this day, some three plus decades later, i am reduced to tears, near hysterics at times, just to enter the ‘chair room’ of a dental office…. or to see ‘the pointy, pokey things’ coming at my mouth.
anyway. i explained. and it did help. it didn’t stop the tears, i just can’t control that part. not yet anyway. but it definitely curtailed the ‘fight or flight’ response. and the dentist was very understanding. actually, he wanted to have the name of the dentist. when i told him it was back in georgia, and i was no longer sure the man’s name, he just frowned at me, but he let it go.
so.. anyway… my first exam without ‘pointy, pokey things’ and i am so proud of myself that i actually sat still and didn’t fall apart. you have no idea. well, ok, maybe by now, you have a small notion.
turns out the general diagnosis is the same. but i knew it would be. you see, i had to spend a lot of time in the dental chair when i was a kid. my childhood molars cracked almost as soon as they came in… they had to fill them just to keep them in my head until my adult molars came in… and my other baby teeth were crackers, too… most of them required some form of filling before i left the home.
in my 20’s and 30’s, that trend continued. practically every tooth i have has cracked at some point and had to be veneered with acrylic or later, porcelain and a few have lost sides or edges and required filling yet again.
in my mid 30’s, they suggested a perioscale to try and strengthen the teeth as a few were ‘becoming mobile’. but it actually made things worse. until that time, the gums were firmly attached around the roots and the bone was, therefore, pretty well protected. but as you may know, when they do this ‘root scaling’, they actually pull the gum away from the root and plane it bottom to top.
well. for me, that was the induction of open air and all the things that go with being a human that eats. within five years, not only did i have dental infections on a regular basis, i also had pockets ranging from 2mm to 5mm and a constant battle with food trapped under the gumline that wouldn’t come out for flossing, picking, or even that silly monojet syringe washing.
needless to say, by the time i turned 40, things were pretty bad. the chipping was still happening (i’ve lost a quater of the right secondary incisor, a chip out of the right primary incisor, and there are cavities under the gumline and between each tooth throughout.
it hurts all the time, every day. i can only chew on the left side since the first molar, right side chipped out an entire quarter of itself (which i apparently swallowed, never knowing until i went to brush that night and noticed it missing).
the infections started up again shortly after i arrived here in Seattle. the first dentist put me on a fairly powerful antibiotic and it sent it into hiding… but it’s beginning to come back (as the dentist today informed me).
so.
there’s not enough bone to hold my teeth in but for the fact they are wedged tight in my mouth. this, the reason they wouldn’t pull the broken one in the back right and the molar behind it that is slowly absessing.
they have to come out all at once or they’ll simply drop out within two weeks of having any one pulled on its own.
fun stuff, eh?
anyway… this office has shown interest in working with me. they have already made the impressions and bite registrations for the temporary dentures. pending the dentist’s approval of the payment plan that his office manager and i worked out tonight, i’m scheduled to have these fucking things pulled on tuesday, december 30th. the temporaries will be waiting by then, and will serve both as comestic and bandage for the healing process.
i have to stay in them for at least six months to allow the gums and bone to settle. at that time, they’ll do a 3d model/x-ray to determine what’s happening with the bone and ridges and see if there’s enough there to do implants.
the ultimate goal is several implants top and bottom to which partials may then be attached. this provides more stability than dentures and they don’t require relining, refitting, or all the other pain in the ass maintenance things that dentures do. add to this, they stay in rather than require being taken out every night.
beyond that, eventually, to investigate finishing implants throughout. but at $2500 a tooth, that will be a long, slow plan indeed.
the cost quoted from this office is roughly $4,000 less than the first, which makes me very happy indeed. it’s still a lot to pay, and i’ll definitely struggle with it (considering insurance has a yearly max of $1,000… why the hell do they call it insurance? it doesn’t do a damn thing over $1,000 and for someone like me, who cleanings and such simply doesn’t help, it feels rather an insult).
anyway… i’m waiting to hear from the office manager than the dentist has agreed to the payment plan. that’s the only hurdle left other than being in that chair and not freaking the hell out long enough for them to be pulled.
as the title suggests, i’m ‘biting down’ on my fear (oy) and trying to remind myself this is the path to a farewell to pain and to all the frustrating attempts at keeping these damn things happy.
i am actually looking forward to it. the mental image in this moment is me, strapped into the chair, and every time i hear that metallic ‘pt-tink!’ of one of these fucking teeth hitting the tray, gurgling ‘thank you’.
believe me, 32 thank you’s for relief from what has been an every day pain since i was a wee tot is hardly enough thanks at all.
so… there you have it. the update. i’ll know by the end of the week if it’s a go or not.