> you wrote..
>> I have not denied the existence of anything. I simply and very firmly
>> believe that being ‘difference blind’ is just as important as being
>> ‘color blind’ or ‘religion blind’ or any other form of ‘blind’ that
>> connotes tolerance and acceptance.
>
> and this point is a fundamental difference in world view between us-you
> assert that being blind to difference is the road to tolerance and
> acceptance.
> i have no desire to have someone have to a blind eye to my unique aspects in
> order to “tolerate” or “accept” me.I wish to be seen fully for who and what
> i am and that means acknowledging and respecting my differences as i respect
> and value others.
I believe you are seeking reasons to fight here, or there is a profound disparity in our semantics.
I did not say I had to ‘be blind’ to ‘tolerate’ or ‘accept’ you. That is your filtering/interpretation of things. I am not at all certain I can convey my meaning to you since it seems every attempt only finds you more willing to misinterpret it. This, my last effort, will assume you actually wish to understand, not just argue….
I know you identify/label yourself ‘queer’. I know what that label purports to mean. I specifically do not look at you differently for choosing it. This is what I mean by ‘blindness’. Obviously the DIFFERENCES you find in the label are important to you, but here, it doesn’t change that you are human, which is the primary label and for which all things are already granted as ‘givens’ in relation to your natural, inalienable rights.
More succinctly – I don’t need more labels to know how to respect you, be perfectly content with your right to live and choose for yourself, etc. Nor do I, also a human, OWE you more attention (be it labeled ‘acknowledgment’, ‘respect’, or otherwise) so you may feel comfortable that your labels are accepted.
I didn’t like you for your labels, nor did I dislike you for your labels. They were and are and will remain irrelevant as WHO you are in my experience trumps ALL labels and my valuation of you is INDEPENDENT of ANY label.
>> You deride and disdain those who reject you for those differences, and
>> here, you do the same to one who accepts them without hesitation or
>> qualm, to the point of seeing no benefit to pointing to them AS
>> differences.
>
> i find it disingenuous at best to draw a moral equivalence between my stating
> that i cannot build a lasting partnership with someone who refuse to engage
> in political discourse with those who have gay bashed me and others.simply
> not on par.to suggest otherwise is ludicrous at best and offensive at worst.
Perhaps you do not realize how derisive, disdainful, and offensive it is to tell someone who accepts, values, and respects you naturally and without hesitation that they are not doing so AND that they are ‘across the rubicon, refusing to cross’ because they will not choose your views, your words, and your methods to express it. Suffice to say it IS derisive, it IS disdainful, and it IS offensive and I have done nothing to deserve any of it but to try and convey to you that I never needed your labels or your politics to think well of you, to accept you, to embrace you, or to consider you as a valid human being with strong potential toward being a life partner.
>> We are the same, human, and intrinsically due natural rights of
>> liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
>
> here we basically agree-that we are all human and intrinsically due civil
> rights-but for all that we share in being “created equal” we are also
> different.Different is not bad.Different is not the barrier to peace that
> people need to blind themselves to in order to have harmony. harmony -by
> definition is different notes arranged in an order that is greater than the
> sum of it’s parts to produce music that no individual not alone can-only
> through such difference can harmony happen.just because different notes
> arranged poorly creates cacophony is no argument o deafen oneself to all
> music.to only hear one note.
You continue to misunderstand and I am being convinced you cannot ever understand simply because it is more important to you to have others assume your view than it is for you to understand and acknowledge/permit the ‘different note’ that is my own. I find this ironic, as it is precisely the behavior and mentality you claim to detest most in others. I also find this telling, as it is often the case that the behavior one detests most in other is the behavior one detests or fears most in oneself.
>> In the end, you communicate clearly that you have and will continue to
>> perceive anything other than that I accommodate you in this to be
>> unacceptable. I understand and respect your perception, your right to
>> hold it, and your right to set your mandates as you see fit to
>> maintain the life you believe best benefits you and through you, the
>
> and in this you misrepresent,or misinterpret my intent and my message so let
> me be clear.
> I am not asking or demanding accommodation.I fully acknowledge that your
> world view isn’t going to change and i have never asked that you change it.
> that being said I am simply making it clear that i have no intention of
> changing mine and thus we have arrived at irreconcilable differences.
> nothing personal here,just an honest assessment of the situation-you have a
> position you won’t change and so do I-and they can’t comfortable occupy the
> same space-in a life partner kind of way.friends who agree to disagree on
> such matters?certainly doable-but long term romance-very probably not.that’s
> all.
I do not perceive there is an irreconcilable difference but for your insistence upon refusing and rejecting all stances that do not match your own. See above.
> although someone else drew my attention to the fact that you are now seeing
> someone and have posted a journal entry about being off the market.
> which to my mind means one of two things-
> a)you have been less than candid with me.
> b)i’m the person you were referring to and you changed your status and wrote
> in your journal before these last emails.
> either way I hope you arrive where you want and need to be
I did not deserve this aspersion. And while I owe you no explanations, I will share with you that as a direct result of your email, you removed yourself from the realm of possibility here and the other person with whom I was exploring became the single candidate for relationship. This being the case, I indicated that by updating my profile.
Unless you are going to claim I said you were the only person I was talking to (which I have not and would, itself, be a lie), there is nothing ‘less than candid’ in or of this as whether or not I was talking to others was never a conversational topic.
This has been a very hurtful experience for me. In the space of two days and for a reason no greater than my disinterest in embracing and assuming your perspective as my own you have gone from a kind, gentle and mindful person to a accusatory and assumptive one. I do not fool myself to think this a change and I am not so foolish as to think such things are any less human…. but the rapidity with which you do so, combined with the increasingly ugly aspersions as to my honesty and intent are such that I realize two things:
(1) The distrust you contain is anathema to a healthy relationship of any sort.
(2) There is no enjoyment I can possibly contribute as all things wither in the acid of what you are willing to assume, assert, and apply to me for not making your perspective my own.
I would never have done such to you and rather than risk doing so inadvertently or out of hurt, end my communications to you here.
Always and in all ways, I wish you well. I sincerely hope you find more than you hope, less than you fear, and all that you need.