angst. i say i hate it, but apparently, i am lying because it is here and i’m letting it be here.
blah blah fucking blah, all the things i’d usually whine about. let’s just consider them said, shall we?
all the names, all the emo bullshit that rattles around in the back of my head, all the fears and related anger over being alone, yadda yadda yadda.
redundant shit.
small effort to balance perspective by referencing the great job, great roomie/friend, great things in work and life over all. yeah yeah yeah, like that makes any fucking difference to narcissistic fucking emo eeyore wanting time by the god damned riverbank, right?
yeah. as if.
a moment of kindness, me to myself, it’s ok to be angsty… breathe in, breathe out, let the tears fall, be ok with wishing ‘things’ were different because that’s being human.
it’s easier to cope overall when i let myself be whatever i need to be in the moment. for this one, it’s angsty, sad, and angry because things change and i wish they didn’t.
and it’s ok to sigh. and it’s ok to cry. and it’s ok to wish it were different right now. and it’s ok to laugh. and it’s ok to shake my head at myself and know that tomorrow, it won’t matter. maybe not even for a few months. maybe, someday, for years. but i’m not going to push it.
heh. there. see. there’s the humor. don’t take myself so seriously. don’t take life so seriously. don’t take history being history personally.
the moon is definitely in ’emo’.
.
.
addendum, four minutes after hitting ‘post’ — ah. i understand now. coming up on the thirty day mark. at least this time, i wasn’t actually counting the days. progress. small, but definitely there.