When annoyed, I am sharper than a razor and twice as careless what I cut. Not with intent, in fact, usually thoughtless and without consideration. I have been annoyed most of the day for three reasons, none of which I’m going to bore you by laying out. Suffice to say I still struggle with immediate escalation in the face of aggressive behavior on the part of others and it bothers me more and more every time it happens. Practice says that meditation on compassion transforms this reaction, and perhaps it has softened things slightly over the last years, but not enough by far.
On top of it, my ego is smarting over something and it seems the only relief is going to be completely letting that something go. This, of course, brings its own annoyance; both because I cannot shift or change it and because it does not (and apparently, will not) shift or change on its own.
It is a transitory and very fleeting thing, this annoyance, but while it is here, consuming.
I am brazing in my own emotions. I suppose the only comfort in it is that no one I’ve been such a snarky little shit to today has experienced even half of what I am feeling. (That really isn’t much comfort at all.)