Between the end of year ruminations, recently set to rest “drama”, and the unexpected flutter of old ghosts, it has been a busy month thusfar. It occurs to me that a good bit of it is less sticky than it might have been, and I count it a “good thing”. Life is steadily becoming a moment to moment experience, rather than a constant and careful archival effort. A bit of a relief, really. Had someone told me in January that I would feel this way in December, I would have laughed long and loud for it. At this moment, mostly aftermath, I’m rather content. Surprisingly so.
There’s something decidedly helpful about letting it all splash down here instead of carting it around in my head. Seems to me ol’ Jung had the bead on this concept. To be sure I’m a lot calmer for the process. Best of all, when the urge to “relive” something occurs, I can pat myself on the head and remind myself that I set it here so I wouldn’t have to do that and, if I really want to analyze it or ponder some aspect of it, it’s waiting here whenever I like. Oddly enough, I very rarely follow through on those urges these days. Progress? Hrm. Perhaps.
One of the more interesting outcomes of all this logging/blogging/whatever is that I now have something of a moment to moment perspective on things. I get to see much more clearly what and where the patterns are, what calls the behavioral script, and what sidetrack or otherwise shunts it. I am finding that I take a more clinical approach to it all over this last year (yet another improvement) and the resulting overall peace is quite refreshing.
Most of all, I find the things that once lingered with me for days or weeks are now processed and flushed within a few hours. You have no idea how great an improvement THAT is for me. I sit here and ponder what the possible long term effects are going to be and I have to say, it seems very positive. This is a pretty good space to dwell in for the end of the year and as I’ve been thinking on it, the weight of the usual transitional phase seems to be lifting.
Goodness, this might actually mean I’m transforming a much larger pattern. What a pleasant thought.
Moment to moment is kind of cool. No, correction, it’s wonderful!