Fact: There is nothing quite so hard and painful as being faced with your own ignorance.
I have just spent roughly three months operating in profound ignorance and something of a state of faith; this, an unusual thing for me, was engendered by my choice to once again take at “face value” information given both freely and in response to direct questioning on my part.
Obviously, the value of a thing is demonstrated by how much you must give to get it and the answers to direct questions are not necessarily themselves direct.
I am annoyed with myself over this. But I am at last ready to do more than hope it will change.
There is a point at which one’s active and willful ignorance of “what is” becomes a contributing factor to continuance; idling while attempting to demonstrate value in the face of repeated demonstrations that such value is neither perceived, found, or felt is a fool’s past time.
I am no fool.
Thus, it ends…. not as quickly as my anger would like, nor as well as my heart would, but at least the initiation of ending is made and this makes my mind breathe a much-overdue sigh of relief.
There will be more and better; this is the only constant in life — all change brings hard times, yes, but it also brings enjoyable ones.
It is time to find enjoyment in this arena again and so I now purpose.
Though you cannot see it, I have “that look” of determination that any who know me both understand and give passage. Radio silence a time as I manage it, but soon, more and better to speak of… until then, be well.