I don’t have many people around these days who can recognize my value and are willing to articulate it on my behalf.
I know what I can do, I like to show people what I can do, but after a point, it just sounds like so much self-absorbed pontificating.
I wish I knew the way to get people to just SEE and RECOGNIZE what I am capable of… all this value potential sieving off into nothingness for lack of anyone interested in letting me help them bring something into reality.
If I could code, I’d already be the next billionaire (serious look) – only I’d give off all but what I need to live. Fucking dyslexia/dyscalculia/Autistic human trifecta feels like cement shoes. Then add that ageism and gendered bias in tech icing… oh yumm. *sarcasm*
I just want to do the same four jobs for a single salary I always have (pointed look), for a livable wage, so I can find a piece of land to hole up on until this spasm of fucking national insanity passes into either a fresh start or a refactoring for social democracy.
Or natural death, whichever finds me first.
I’m willing to do anything helped by analysis, research, reading and summation, initial, critical analysis, product design, usability, lived experience speaking/writing, anything that needs a brain with both hella systematizing and high empathy and several dictionaries and thesaurus and a ring of developed cultural perspectives that likely would make me a great sensitivity reader, reviewer… Let’s just say my interest and ability to “do things” has been one of my personal expansion practices.
For precisely this reason. So having humans regularly call me ‘over qualified’ and ‘under qualified’ for the same reasons… or having them judge my gaps (flag yourself NT and biased, save us both time!), or all the seemingly infinite flavors of human bias getting in the way of getting things done….?
Well, I tend to internalize and work with myself around all of that, because the problem must have solution for me to work and live. But I often seem to be the only one doing so, or caring to do so; which makes it pretty clear that culture and society and all it entails has long ago stopped considering this conversation to be happening, let alone still happening, let alone INVOLVING and REQUIRING their participation.
Ergo – culture and society still believe, feel, and think that ‘we’ are disposable. Forgettable. So I’m mostly just trying not to get myself put in jail for acting on that feeling knowing full well they mostly, gleefully wait for openings to ‘put us in our place’ these days.
Also, spending even more time checking my entire reality to make sure I’m not enacting this kind of shameful behavior on anyone around me. I never want people to mistake me for that ‘white’ being-ness.
I share out any privilege I ever directly experience to everyone around me. I think it’s the only way to kill it as a concept. Make it ubiquitous.
Isn’t that suppose to be ‘human rights’, after all?
Thank you if you read all of this. I appreciate you.
*p.s.: If I sound angry and frustrated, it’s because I am. With reason. To turn a phrase, “No one wants to hire me anymore.” The problem is not me and I’m tired of pretending that it is. #JokerMeme*