well, in a surprise move, my sleeping schedule is actually back to normal. huzzah!
today is laundry day. i grimace lightly, but upon looking out the window, i smile… no rain, clear sky already visible, it is going to be a glorious day.
morning thoughts are calm, i take a moment to send gratitude to the universe for the many blessings i enjoy, and to set forth thoughts of the things i wish to see arrive. the list is first for others, then a few, small thoughts for myself. i have to admit, in this moment, there is very little i need, and the wants are not significant enough to mention.
this is a very good feeling.
doing some preliminary research, i find there is an animal shelter less than five minutes from where i live. this brings a smile for how well the universe tends. also, the library is close at hand. no more wasting money buying books! i am merry in my delight for how all things flow to that which brings contentment.
and i understand in this moment how much of this contentment i have been denying myself. i take a moment to ponder this… trace the outlines of my errors, things i chased that led from a path i have always known and foolishly forgot.
already forgiving myself, i nod to buddhism and smile. compassion starts within, as does kindness and all good things. i will not again so easily forget this. i send thanks to the universe as well for tending me even as i so poorly tended myself. seven years is a long time to punish myself, but it is not as long as the rest of my life. gratitude is intense.
today, i will seek two friends from whom i have drifted over these last seven years. they live in the area to which i am moving… and in the time we’ve been silent, they have brought a child into the world. i wonder if they are well, and hope for many things. it will be good to again bask in the presence of their care of and for one another. i have missed both of them.
i smile as well for contact from the teacher of the e-sangha, a phone number provided, they are eager to meet me, and i, them. i am still humbled to see how so many things converge in the place i am soon to arrive. in truth, i am giddy like a child for it. blessed, i am blessed.
i remember in this moment that setting my mind to positive thoughts bears immediate and profound results. the many evidences continue to ripple and glimmer before me. so many… why did i waste so much time being fearful? humanity. me chuckling at myself. no, i don’t suppose i will escape it fully, but perhaps, with mindfulness and care, i will yet find the way to move through its moments with grace.
contemplation while writing, today. here, a moment to quietly send thoughts for comfort, contentment, and learning to those for whom i care — people who my own missteps have either been disservice to or whose missteps towards me have resulted in our missing the opportunity to be good to one another. the names i will not set here, but the universe knows them all.
it is good to sit here and feel the ache of compassion, good to remember things more fully, good to once more think of it all without the anger or fear. good to realize that i am not ‘coming home’, for i never left it.
instead, walking slowly, i take inventory of this house of mind, body, and spirit… touch the furnishings… remind myself of the stories associated with each… and set more firmly before me that which will lend best to remaining in the moment.
there is an old sanskrit proverb:
yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision. but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. look well, therefore, to this day.
shanti, shakti, shambhu. i feel it. my table is set with the feast. the universe tends me, and before me is its many proofs. all thanks, all devotion, and all delight. it is good to remember home.