thoughts on knowledge, pandora’s box, and related themes of insight…
choosing the mnemosyne, i drank, and stagger now beneath the weight of knowledge. mystery denied, i weep, watching all things coalesce, finding the end that is and is not. painful bliss, conundrum, i fold into the mix, i bump and grind, i am a mobius stripper.
but there is no i. disgusted with my no-self and trapped by the weight of sinew, i shuffle wearily, maybe no one will notice i’m tired of dancing. hah. as if. almost immediately the solicitous one appears, “illusion? desire? anger? how ’bout a shot of envy?”
i wave me-them-us away and look for the exit. rainbow light glimmers a million lives away, i realize by the time i reach it, i won’t want it anymore. sighing, i am still and within, the sound of the ocean covers me.
close my eyes. fall into it. turning, the disco of damnation fades and there is only sandpipers, surf, and sand. a child gathers shells and shrieks as the tide splashes around the ankles. the grit between my toes won’t let me relax. i forget about it as the child rushes at me to share the miracles of abandoned houses, their corners chipped and their insides filled with brine.
offering made, i select a delicate, pink remnant. it sits in my hand like an accusation, like a wish, like everything, like nothing. settling onto the sands, zazen, i place the shell in front of me, close my eyes, and leak out of myself and into…