letter to a friend in a virtual sangha…
this person, one who capers in the halls wearing odd things and saying odd things and the conversation itself dealing with motivations. they wrote to me that they were ‘bullet proof’ and a variety of other things that boiled down to ‘don’t worry, i’m in control’.
my reply, below, was in the moment and perhaps won’t make much sense out of context… but perhaps there is enough in it to lend insight to what was being replied to…
no one is bullet proof. but many often say they are in hopes of deflecting them. you remind me of that desert lizard… you know, the one that puffs up three times its normal size and hisses like it’s billy bad ass? in reality, it’s defenseless… its only defense is the appearance of such total defiance and aggression as one would associate with the truly lethal predators.
it is never right to pass judgement on others. to hold an opinion is one thing, to insist it is somehow absolute is simply foolishness.
you do not baffle, confuse, or amuse. in truth, i watch and read and simply wonder what you’re running from that you work this hard to keep everyone, including yourself, from noticing it. sleight of mind, sleight of hand, sleight of soul.
perhaps if you can get everyone else to question their ego, it will mean you do not have to question your own? hmm. somehow, i don’t think that’s going to work out as planned. (wink)
i appreciate that you are willing to tell me all of this, but in truth, it isn’t necessary. i enjoy you in small doses… and refuse to take you seriously in all this skatological play. i figure when you want to step out from behind the mask, you will. i’m content to wait.
the goal of buddhism is to destroy ego? hmm. i’m not sure i agree. i think the goal of buddhism is to help all sentient beings reach enlightenment. ego is only one hurdle. there are so many others and they do not all rest with or in ego.
but even so, the process of loudly proclaiming non-ego is, itself, a form of egoism. so perhaps it is only snarling the traces.
i don’t find you gruff. actually, in watching that video, the first thing that occurred to me was what a shame it is that you hide your eyes. they’re wonderful.
i got a kick out of your blooper as well. the natural, sunniness of the smile you gave as you struggled to break the tape. heh. i could see you boggling at it. very funny and beautiful in a way i don’t think i can fully explain.
as to icons and images that define self… as with all things, we’re constantly changing. i could no more point to a picture and say ‘that’s me’ than i could point at any you use and say ‘that’s you’. just doesn’t work that way, does it?
the labels we use, verbal, written, or graphical, are masks. they cover the imponderable that is who we really are… or outline its shape by directing away from it.
k isn’t the only one who sees through. you do. i do. we all do. in moments. that’s the wonder of humanity… when we actually choose to just ‘be’… there is very little of illusion that cannot be seen through.
it is 7am here. i woke at 2am and was unable to return to sleep. no idea why. perhaps only to have this exchange with you. as if ‘only’ were not a slight… apologies… for i have enjoyed it and happily yawn in this moment. back to my pillow very soon. may yours be soft, cool, and inviting when you reach for it. *smile*