it’s nice to have something expected to be a serious pothole turn out only to be a small bump.
as i wrote yesterday, the truck died. by the end of yesterday afternoon, i was looking at buying the part used/refurb and doing the work myself.
as it turned out, that wasn’t going to save me anything. if i had managed to travel back in time and not have the truck towed, then and only then could i have made things better.
$700. wowsah. i called the guy back and just told him, ‘look… i just moved here. i’m flat broke until the 12th. if you’re willing to keep it there until then, i’ll pay for the repairs and pick it up.’
he agreed to do so and we hung up.
an hour later, he called me back. he found a way to bring the cost down $200. very helpful and i was touched… but it didn’t change the present. i thanked him and told him i’d see him on the 12th.
at this point, my co-worker looks over at me and says, ‘you know… i could charge that, you could get your truck back tomorrow, and pay me back before the bill drops and we’re all happy.’
honestly… i am and continue to be fully flummoxed by this person. but the cynic, the distrustful girl whispering in the corner, the projector, and the critic… they are fully silent in the face of this person. hope and idealism smile but they too, are silent. they’re all just letting me experience this… without fear, without interference, content in the moment as what it is… and it is many, many things.
i cry when i spend more than a minute thinking about it. i’m about to cry now. but it’s an ok crying. it’s that crying that comes because you always knew it existed, even if you never got to see if yourself.
kind of like believing in sunrise and living underground.
i’m blinking in the sunlight of a friendship that reminds me of all the things i had all but given up believing in. my friend, my co-worker, sits less than 15 feet to my left and doesn’t even know i’m typing this.
maybe they will read it eventually, since they know about this site. if so, hey you! thank you for being you! thank you for being wonderful. thank you for being a friend. (hug) and (hug) and (hug) and you’ll never know how happy i am for having the proof of you.
i take a moment to ponder the things implicit in this. my own sorry state of being. my fears and faults and how much of living i’ve wasted until now.
the nice part of admitting it is that you can’t change the past. and you don’t have to hold onto it.
now is a beautiful thing. in so many ways.
i don’t know how to repay this friend beyond repaying them. and i have this incredibly strong need to find a way. not because i’m obligated. but because i want them to feel the way i do for their presence in the world.