no explanation needed, i think.
‘it doesn’t always have to make sense.’ she smiled at me as she said it, so i would know she meant it. ‘in fact, sometimes, it is more beautiful when it does not.’
she’s one of those people i love best because she’s everywhere and nowhere at all. an ocean, a lake, a river, she is placid and seems to reflect anything and everything that arrives, that touches her.
when i first met her, i thought her aloof and slightly arrogant. i mistook her agreeableness. i made assumptions about her tranquility. most of them only pointed to my own fears.
i remember how watching my stones skip over her surface only to sink and become part of her astonished me.
i remember how slowly realizing what she was had me drowning… but even then, she saved me. mouth to mouth, breathing with me, for me, until my gills were no longer forgotten.
her words whisper throughout the multiverse of my mind. my mind. heh. she corrects me, but softly, even now. her words whisper throughout the multiverse, as do mine. yes, yes, ok… i have not forgotten.
i feel her smile.
the first time i made this kind of connection it was with her. i thought i was going insane. in reality, i was becoming sane. no floatation device, i definitely sank like a stone. skipped myself over her surface thinking me safely on the shore.
i was never safe. nor did i want to be, though the latter took time to be known.
she died some years ago. but she never lived. i am still alive, but i was never born. somewhere, she is typing at 4:30am about me and thinking me a lovely figment of creation.
fabulously full, pulse of water through my throat, i wriggle and slide through the quarks that blink as the pings of their same-yet-different ping them from light years away.
i remember briefly some old fart thought it was an insight to say, ‘know thyself.’ best joke in the multiverse. makes me cry every time.