well. in an odd and acrimonious strike, i have received a rather bizarre email from h in which he insists i put an end to my enjoyment or presence in places he, himself, introduced me to or invited me to partake of…
i suppose i should have expected it. childishly, all things are supposed to be forsaken and all venues in which he is or might ever appear, avoided. for him, for his sake, of course. my enjoyment or personal growth obviously are no longer supposed to be a concern.
not that they ever were to him, mind you.
the missive delivered made a number of speculative accusations. all posed as certainties, of course. among which is evidence of his inappropriate behavior… the very same inappropriate stalking and snooping i seem to stand convicted of by him. i wonder if he knows how sharp the outline of his hypocrisy is? doubtful.
judging from the silence of the listserv, he’s had someone yank my scrytch participation. two items posted since yesterday have yet to show up. i am certain they now never will.
i should be angry. that’s what the human part of me says. so much conjecture, assumption, and judgement. yet another instance of assuming intent without bothering to ask. stars, what a miserable life it must be to forever think everyone you disagree with wishes you ill.
i’m very sad for him. and i realize all the more clearly the many reasons that moving past the idea of him as someone who could possibly be a positive presence in my life was the wisest thing i have ever decided.
saddest of all, a thought to make a gift to him next year, when perhaps his paranoia had cooled, is now ruined.
i suppose i am a fool for trying to do something nice for him anymore. i won’t regret the motivation to do something nice…. but i am sad that even this, he has to taint.
i don’t think he can help himself. i didn’t bother to point out any of this. merely told him what i had intended and that if he wanted the planned gift, simply to let me know.
unlike him, my gifts are not withdrawn… even in the face of ingratitude, paranoia, and hate.
perhaps some day, he will look back and realize that, and in doing, see as well all the things to which he is now blind.
that’s the comfort, really… all things change, people grow, and the future is unknown.