bleh. let this be an example of how expressing anger creates anger. not the intent. never the intent. but stars, sometimes, the lesson just doesn’t stick, does it? sigh.
recent decisions made, and acted upon, an ongoing exchange with another finds a moment wherein this lesson is delivered to me yet again. i will try to insure it is learned. no promises… but trying.
On 1/6/07, ********* wrote:
> I really am sorry.
Well, I can’t say I wanted that outcome, but I did know it was possibility.
As for you… I want you to know this now. Really know it. So read it,
read it again, the read it again… then archive it and whenever you
need to, read it again:I do not cut people off unless I cannot hope to be good to them.
I do not hate people for being who they are.
I do not refuse to forgive when someone is remorseful and asks for it.
By the same token, I do not want others to create negativity on my behalf.
I didn’t tell you these things to make you angry, be it on my behalf, yours, or anyone elses. There’s enough anger in all of this. There doesn’t need to be any more. Anger itself is a poison.
I told you these things to let you see that yes, it does happen sometimes, no, you’re not alone in it, and regardless the anger, we can still choose to choose wisely.
It just takes a little more effort. (crooked smile)
I would have preferred no explosion for you, of course… mostly because it is pointless, helps no one, and changes nothing.
And, of course, the only thing it can possibly accomplish in the two people I am working so hard to forget I ever knew is to nourish in them the idea that I am doing anything but forgetting them utterly and moving on… which is unfortunate, but not unforgiveable.
The others I do not know, and thus, can easily continue to assume the best of… which is why I included Scotto in the email requesting the scrytch I wrote be added to the archive.
In the face of the silence, all who received the email confirm to me that their minds are closed on the matter.
So be it.
For their insistence upon being closed-minded, a new and wonderful thing is brought into being. All things in their right place… this one rests here, with me, and thus, will not see the manner of selective ethics that finds me cut off from a public collaborative.
It is as it is. And as it is, it will be.