archival.
On Fri, January 12, 2007 9:47 am, ***** wrote:
> Dreaming of
> Thunder
> by Lee Felten
> A bit more seriously the reply comes, “There is nothing to catch.”
>
> Face turning up from the dandelion, “If you know that, then why do you
> look so tired my friend?”
indeed. the funny part is, sometimes, for a moment, an instant, i actually know this. but it slips away from me. and i can’t hold it. when it stays, it is only because of not-holding. which sounds odd, but it as true as it gets.
> I did enjoyed reading that ping, pop, boom on your
> blog…..:)……We have to find a way to get that fire , passion and
> venom into something useful one of these days….
what is useful? nothing, everything. it’s all part of the process, even if i don’t know what the hell the point is, what i’m supposed to be doing, how to do it, or much of anything else.
sometimes, i think i’m doing it even as i think i don’t know how. in fact, sometimes, i think i’m doing it naturally, freely, easily, even as i think i’m struggling, grasping, gasping, falling, bleeding. sometimes, in the back of my head, i hear laughter… me at myself, but it isn’t me, it’s the solar wind, it’s the sly wink of a star, it’s the giggle of a baby that we think is ‘just gas’… it’s the whisper of the multiverse sliding through the wrinkles of my brain, like a caress, like a song, like a snatch of a lullaby that i can’t quite remember.
> Also I really like
> the way you turned the tables on self. It should have been said aloud
> a long time ago, for all of us. So how long have you been a Buddhist?
> wrong question….So how long have you been a lotus Flower?
i’m surprised the tabletop doesn’t come loose and take my head off. it spins much too often.
buddhist since january 2, 2006, officially since november 19th 2006.
not sure i’d agree i’m a flower. lotus or otherwise. maybe a weed. or a blade of grass. maybe. maybe a clover. yeah. a three leaf one though, don’t want anyone thinking i’m lucky. just sitting in the middle of the meadow hoping maybe a bee will touch me as it passes to that pretty flower over there. don’t really want much… not expecting anything, really. but maybe just a soft caress in passing. if i’m lucky… which… since i’m missing a leaf, obviously, isn’t true.
> From what
> I collected from your blog and your own words……I see an amazing
> (there that word again) Scarabaeidae (think ancient Egypt) ….who may
> not know it.
not amazing. sorry. just crooked and kinked and maybe on occasion blessed by what grace touches us all to manage anything other than that.
hope you don’t mind, i’m blogging this. there are odd circles in these circles and some of them are markers that are helpful here. made a promise to someone very special to me that i would include it all… good, bad, indifferent. not always easy to keep, that promise. but its meaningful here. so i do it.