more and more of late, i’m being presented with the lesson that there is no discussion to be had where any participant cares more for their own ‘rightness’ than to understand the thoughts of others in relation to them.
it’s humorous, really. once upon a time, i would spend weeks, sometimes months laboriously trying to find the way to frame my words to deliver the understanding. and consistently, others would be more interested in telling me why i’m wrong, why they’re right, or why my views were [insert adjective here].
for a long time, i thought perhaps i simply wasn’t conveying myself properly. that perhaps my phrasing or word choices were getting in the way. but i discovered that attempting to define words and agree upon their meanings only distracted and introduced the further complication of others wanting to argue over the very word meanings. this, i believe is the result of the on-going deconstruction of ‘meaning’ as ever existing in a static form… not even for a moment.
i do often ponder if those who hold that position ever cotton to the fact it means there is no point to communication. apparently not.
but i used to spend inordinate amounts of time in the attempt, not understanding that it was not a lack of clarity on my part… or even an inability to parse and comprehend on the part of others.
it was, instead, a choice to prefer one’s own thoughts, set them superior, define ‘self’ by them and thus, insist that no other thoughts, perspectives, or views could possibly be allowed consideration on the level field of connection and commonality. to even think of it would be to question all that ‘self’ is, all that ‘self’ stands for, and all that is tightly held to in support of ‘self’.
when presented with this dynamic these days, usually, i immediately withdraw. not because i couldn’t bang my head on that wall for weeks, months, and perhaps even years… but because i understand in a way i did not use to the absolute futility of such a thing.
i conclude that people see precisely what they want to in any moment. no more, no less. and if another is not willing to simply share and work to clearly speak of their thoughts, there is never any means by which to induce them to it, and there is never any benefit in the attempt to do so. it only generates annoyance, frustration, anger, and other base emotions.
naturally, withdrawal is considered either victory or admission of flaw. which makes me chuckle. oh humanity is such an arrogant and viciously self-cherishing thing. but i notice when i begin to sway in that direction these days… and i begin to note as well how that noticing brings me to mindfulness. there is nothing here that requires validation that i should continue. and there is nothing there that is helpful if i continue.
and if others must see that as anything other than as it is, may it bring them learning.