comewhatmay-041207.mp3
read on for the text.
i had a dream last night
i didn’t want to remember
you were there, you still cared
warm as a softly glowing ember
you looked at me with tearful eyes
choked out a gasping sob
i couldn’t make out your words
but the sounds still did the job
the hurt and disappointment
the anger and despair
melted like winter frost
under spring’s sunny care
you stood like you expected
only to be rejected
how did you ever think i wanted
you more than tenderly protected
we clung to one another
apologies like mantras calling
forgiveness and acceptance
refreshing rains were falling
i tried to say it was ok
i tried to say it didn’t matter
all things past do not exist
what is we cannot shatter
but as soon as i began to speak
like some dreadful leeching pall
the shadows fell between us and
set forth the callous wall
too thick for words to pass
too solid to be moved by shudders
too implacable the stony mass
for murmured prayers to as much as flutter
could hear you footsteps leaving
echos long into the night
i stood there nonetheless
refusing to take flight
i said i would remain
it was a sacred vow
though broken the refrain
still i shall not bow
does that make me insane?
maybe you’re right, maybe it does
maybe it is insane
to keep caring ‘just because’
but what other way to prove
the truth counter to what you surmise
than to be and stay, not move even
‘neath the weight of all these lies
to be sure i have much angered
and in it deeply wallowed
the undeservedness of it all
a bitter drink that i have swallowed
even in my darkest rage
whose sharpness you were spared
i could not forget that of you
that proved you really cared
for all the ego lashes out
for careless hurts you’ve given
i never have forgotten how
to aspire you were always driven
the greatest hurt you gave me
was not in the coldness of your eyes
no, that award goes to the way
all things of me you now belie
as if they never existed
as if you never knew
as if the many kindnesses
are illusions you may eschew
yet even that has not pricked me
enough to turn me away
that which is beyond ‘me’
understands why it must stay
i dreamt of you last night
i didn’t want it to be remembered
but since i’ve never forgotten
seems such amnesia will not be rendered
sometimes i envy you the way
it is so easy to cast all vows aside
it seems this devotion is not as right
as the convenience of your pride
the humor in it all of course
is none of it ever really mattered
for all i occasionally yet growl
or for all you skittishly scattered
what matters is the wish
to more fully, truly be
what matters is the vow itself
because in it lies the key
sometimes i wish i could be like you
just throw it all away
but it seems for me, a boomerang
which with me will always stay
in odd ways it is comfort
for as i know you fully gone
yet by this tender devotion
i could be no more fully wrong
for that of you to which i vowed
remains here, with me
and somewhere that you no longer look
it is the same with thee
fly you to the universe’s end
into the very night
white shores they remain and
the end is but beginning’s sight
me, i by this wall remain
as i said i would
come peace or war or wind or rain
come bad or worst that could
if there are none willing
to honor such that remains
i will honor it myself
i will sing the soft refrains
i will sing them for me, yes
but i will as well sing them for you
and her, and him, and they and them
and yes, even for him, too
so when you hear now and then
a soft and echoing refrain
fear not such as ghosts or
shiver to fear what remains
it is only that of me that
is reaching out to you
no matter time or the world itself
because that’s what i vowed to do