a co-worker brought their infant daughter in today. they were both astounded that she calmed and smiled when i held her. made me laugh. for just that blink of a moment, thoughts of yesteryears. hah.
work is settling out a bit. since i haven’t been writing here as much, that likely won’t make sense or seem in context. suffice to say it’s just as well i am writing these from work at the moment, rather than home (on breaks). keeps me tactful. heh.
bleh. i dislike the constraint. even as i’m setting it upon myself.
i dreamt about four people last night. three of whom surprised me. in another dimension, another life, we know one another in different ways. i still smile for the presence of the multiverse, and that on occasion, i get to experience it.
my daughter sent me a text today ‘love you. miss you.’ smiled.
i’m missing a lot of things at this moment, but i suspect it will insure i appreciate them all the better when they return. so no worries.
i bought a card for an upcoming occasion and recorded a brief piece in relation to it. uncertain if either will actually leave my desk. setting it aside to simmer. will decide when the moment arrives.
i find myself missing tim crabtree. he was my first love. puppy love, i suppose. stars, i had it so bad for him. mostly just wanting to hover at his elbow and make sure whatever he even remotely desired was immediately made available.
hrm. guess i haven’t changed that much. irony. especially in light of how it turned out.
i left the home before he did. wrote him every day. never a reply. a good year and a half later, finally worked up the courage to call. all along, telling myself ‘maybe he got out.’ and ‘maybe he has parents now.’ and every other reason i could think of that would be louder than the one whispering from deep inside.
i already knew, of course. just didn’t want to believe or accept it.
some things never change, do they?
i won’t bore you with the gorey details of that call. they are recorded here… somewhere. suffice to say it didn’t go well.
but i think about him now because it was the first time i met the man who doesn’t exist and while i’ve met him many times since then, he’s still true to his namesake.
i’ve given thought to the notion that perhaps i should change his name. but i’m still trying to figure out if that is a power i have to wield. can it be that simple?
wouldn’t that be funny?
sigh.