i got something in the mail today that reveals to me someone i trusted has lied to me. of the short list of things that redline me at mach 5, lying is tops.
i would rather someone spit in my face than lie. truly. i work so hard to be honest, mostly when no one even cares except me. usually especially then. it’s a point of honor, of principle. i do not lie. not when it would be convenient. not when it may be expedient. not ever.
lying is a lack of …. well, crap… everything. respect. basic regard for a fellow human. and everything that stems from these things.
not even a month ago, someone smiled to me and i to them and i thought we were friends.
today, by mail, a letter in which it is given that this other has, with deliberation and for the most base of reasons, made what we both know to be false statements about me and about a series of circumstances in which i was involved.
the initial reaction was to think on making a point of revealing it as a lie. that was about oh… three hours ago.
but now, frankly, i realize it just doesn’t matter.
people who can justify lies aren’t going to choose any differently, there is nothing of them or their choices that can possibly be helpful to me, and there certainly is nothing in the correction of matters that will be other than anger and hurt for it happening here, or anger and guilt for being caught at it there.
not worth it. on any level. i’m better off knowing it and letting it go. at least this way, neither the lie nor the one telling it can be more than an unfortunate moment, now past.
my ego doesn’t like that choice, of course. my ego hurts and wonders ‘why’ and feels betrayed. my ego is tired of being hurt and betrayed by others.
but i am beginning to realize that expecting people to be honest simply because honesty is a worthwhile thing is, perhaps, overly idealistic.
so. chalk it up to another lesson and let it go. the circumstance itself is past, the person lying is behind, and the only way it can remain is if i choose to permit it.
i do not choose to permit it.