what a difference a dollop of deliberation makes!
those who know me will understand this, those who do not, or who do only at distance will likely be puzzled. for that, my apologies, but only half-heartedly as i am forever wishing those of you at distance were not, and thus have little room for feeling truly apologetic that you do not take action to be closer (if not proximity then pixelated presence… i mean sheesh, it’s not like i’m hard to reach!).
anyway.
the weekend and yesterday was to find myself unexpectedly mired in a morass i thought gone. at first, pensiveness and sorrow. then, weariness and resignation and ultimate removal of the cause.
today… sunny, shiny, secure, i am mildly surprised for what a profound, immediate, and total difference the act of that removal has created. mind you, the literal aspects of energy exchange have long been acknowledged, but sometimes i forget the details of keeping oneself healthy and it has always been difficult for me to give up, every step of the way is to drag the feet and hope against hope that some wondrous event will transmute sorrow to sunshine.
i feel safe again. wow. i had not realized what a drain it was.
so. done and done, i smile… and let even this puff of thought drift into nothingness. moving on…
… i have found an imac at last. will be picking it up tomorrow. i’m so excited i could just spit. oh, music and art and recording again! radio poetica has promised me space on their stream and splice is going to be so much more than it has been to date for me. i am giddy. heh. tomorrow cannot get here fast enough!!
let’s see, what else… ah, i am wondering if it will be possible to have birthday wishes delivered as i would like to my son. i have no way to reach him but email… and have fairly concluded my efforts are either unwelcome or touch tender places, as i cannot seem to find enough common ground from which to build anything approximating other than awkwardness.
it is a pensive thing, but i knew those years ago this would be the way of it. patience toward someone ever loved, long missed, and deeply treasured is still a worthwhile thing. so… i wait.
the friend out west is slowly dragging things into some semblance of normalcy, and i smile for it. not much more to say there. another friend, in the seattle area, keeps in touch and ‘the offer’ seems to still stand. this, good to know, as it has already been decided that should things go south here, the opening in which to make the leap i’ve thought upon since the late 90s will once more face me and if it does, i intend to embrace it. so we shall see.
not much else to report, really. content, smiling, liberated and laughing for a return to delights… off to find something to occupy the night hours until pillow time. tomorrow…. a return to creativity! huzzah! 🙂
addendum, five minutes later… hah. i just noticed that, according to the calendar, it is emancipation day in texas. well, it is not just in texas this day. (chuckle)