synchronicity is usually odd, often surprising, sometimes comforting. and now and then, just amazing.
i had a dream this morning in which i was talking to myself. but myself was much older and i did not recognize the place where we sat.
it was a house.
a home.
a place where i’d lived for years and in which memories and the piecemeal of them were set about in placements that spoke of long time and the casual ease that points to being more than a temporary resting place.
to be there made me cry. she knew it. met me with a hug. led me to the two chairs by the big window that overlooked the yard. sat me down and took her seat across from me, smiling.
‘you never thought it would happen.’ i just nodded and cried, my throat was all closed off and i couldn’t talk anyway. she knew, of course. she didn’t mind me crying, ‘it just about didn’t. you always thought you were beyond it, spent too much time grieving it as gone. so much grieving that you would have missed it when it arrived except he could see it in you.’
i was curious of course. wanted to ask. she knew that, too. chuckled at me. ‘now you know that ain’t how it works. besides, you both got some life to get through first anyway.’
i was finally able to talk without either coughing or hiccuping, so i asked her what she meant. she leaned in and said to me, ‘you still have to learn how to wait and he still has to learn how to deserve you.’
i guess i looked at her kind of skeptically, because she actually smiled and repeated it, ‘he won’t deserve all you’ve sacrificed to stay here to meet him right now. and it’s his job to deserve you.’
well. hm. so i ask her what my job is. and she winked at me and said, ‘it’s your job to be patient and to remember what you know so you have the knowledge he needs when he finds you.’
i woke up this morning at about oh… 5:30am and groggily recorded it on the portable. left it to head to work and forgot all about it. got home and settled in to read this book… and here, on page 136, synchronicity reached up and set it in front of me… and i quote:
“I fear you’re wasting yourself on this Hatrack boy. How could any man deserve all that you’ve sacrificed for him?” ‘Deserving it — that’s his labor. Mine is to have the knowledge when he’s ready to learn it.’
now if that isn’t just amazing, i really don’t know what is.