got to thinking about it last night.
met and dated a fellow from about november of last year until april of this year. he called it off right at the point when it was starting to get serious. said he didn’t think it would work out and didn’t say much more.
hurt like hell, of course. made me angry, too, because he simply would not say more. no ‘why’, no ‘definition’, nothing specific. just that.
took me until about oh… last month… to stop trying to puzzle out ‘the reason’. in the meantime, there’s been silent spots and there’s been times when he’s listened to me snarl and growl and generally run down all humanity.
actually, he’s taken an flash grenade in the face here and there from me, too.
unlike certain hypocrites who toss those babies, but turn tail and run the first time they’re on the receiving end… he’s still here, still a friend, and still someone i cherish.
even if he can’t be what i want, he can still be what i need. a friend. a real friend.
everyone can talk about what being a friend is… and lots of folks do a LOT of talking about it. but being a friend doesn’t have a darn thing to do with talking.
actions speak louder than words. always have, always will. friends are defined by the fact that they will overlook the words for the actions.
by contrast, i recently had someone tell me they couldn’t be my friend because [ reason x, y, z, of blame ] and with that, they just… left.
the funny part was, they told me they thought i’d be world shatteringly angry. (chuckle) oh sure, i was mad for a day or so… but then i got to thinking about it. i thought about the rather amazing differences between this “friend” and my friend mentioned in the above paragraphs.
they are truly profound differences.
i thought about the miniscule similarities.
in the doing, i realized the one who ditched was a lot more like a certain snake now residing in texas than i was willing to admit. and i also realized that, for all my work on closing up that particular fissure in me, there is something about those kinds of boys that still rings the bell and snags my attention.
it’s good to know, of course. i’ll be much warier when i meet the next one (and i’m sure to do so). but it was easier than expected to “return the favor” and write the loser off…. i suppose those are harsh words, but they don’t hold much emphasis. there’s a lot of reasons how and why they are very much a loser…. most of them have less to do with what they did in relation to me as to what they constantly do to themselves. but that’s another story and no longer of import here.
suffice to say, i am thankful to have my true friend to the west and i am equally thankful to be rid of the false one from the same vicinity.