well… nothing’s ever as you expect, but that isn’t always a bad thing.
i’ve had to shut off home internet, cancell all “luxury accounts”, and cellular will be shut off next week if nothing turns up.
i’m presently in north carolina working with a fellow who has a business he’s trying to get ‘up and running’. if we succeed, there’s money. if not, i limp home.
it’s the beginning of week two and i’m not sure which way it’s going to flow as yet. oddly, i’m not worried. it’s hard to describe, but worry and fear come before the crisis, when i’m in it, there’s just this very odd detachment. ‘ok, now we do this. ok, now we do that. ok, what is needed to get us to the place where we don’t need to be comfortably numb anymore? ok. do that.’ etc.
mazslow was right. and while there’s part of me that is pissed off to be climbing the lower rungs again, there’s part of me that almost feels happy. i really don’t know what that’s about. maybe it has to do with feeling content in the realization that no, there really isn’t any safety net or magic feather or samaritan whose going to ‘save me’.
sink or swim and do it alone. as always. i suppose the real foolishness is that we ever really think it is any other way, eh? consider me grinning wryly, for i am.