interesting thing about emotional crashes, it’s like hitting a rubber ball on cement. fuckers bounce like crazy. or maybe it is just me that’s like… crazy. hmm.
woke up today feeling all is right with the world. of course, it being payday had a lot to do with that. i was able to repay the folks who covered me when my bank account went rubber and made all the bills for the month and i’ll get to actually eat for the next two weeks and STILL have a wee bit left over to stash for ‘the move’.
here’s to feeling good about staying home and saving up money.
at this rate, the move back to NC will likely take place mid to late november. that’s about two months ahead of my initial projection of january. perhaps i’m being optimistic. we’ll see. for now, i feel happy to think i’ll actually manage this myself… without having to beg for help that inevitably is not there to be had.
i went down to see about getting bifocals. i can barely see out of my glasses and have been unable to use the contacts since early this year. something has gotten worse, but i do not yet know what. i realized when i reached the shop that my rx expires end of october. so. may as well tough it out.
on the other hand, i heard about a new company that is taking some of the ugly out of trying to get into decent glasses. i swear, if you haven’t insurance (and i haven’t), glasses are just… obscenely expensive.
when you’re blind as a bat like me, with astigmatism and being legally blind in one eye and rapidly approaching it in the other, glasses aren’t cheap anyway… but you add in the ‘requirements’ to keep from blowing them out of your head with strain and it’s just… stupid.
to get a very plain pair of frames (decidedly not fashionably) and what i need in lenses will run me over $600. and that’s not including the strongly recommended uv coating and glare coating. by the time you add those two in, it’s almost $800. stupid, isn’t it?
but there is this new company out of the UK called Lindberg that have begun selling titanium frames, lenses, and all the stuff to actually protect your eyes (glare coating, uv, etc.) for a single shot price of that’s the frames (your choice), the lenses (single, bi, tri, whatever you need), scratch, uv, glare, and filtering coating — literally, the works for $700. and they come with a one year replacement guarantee.
but the best part is, they were freaking LIGHT AS AIR to wear. AND there’s no frame. now, i don’t know about you, but when you’re as blind as i am, you just can’t walk in and ask for frameless lenses. they’ll laugh you right out of the place. but these babies, they are ALL frameless.
it was fucking amazing stuff. for the first time in my life, i actually felt like i wasn’t going to be ripped off trying to fucking see.
(frankly, it’s a challenge for me that i don’t usually talk about… i can’t wear contacts anymore if i intend to do anything close up because they don’t provide the precision i need… and i can’t wear the single vision glasses i have either, and my mid-range vision is starting to peter out in the single frame lenses… and, of course, i can’t see a damn thing without them unless it’s like… balanced on my lower lip or something. sigh.)
i have accepted that i’m not going to be able to get in and out of a ophthalmologist’s office for under $600 ($400-$500 lenses and the rest to frames).
really, i have.
but it has always pissed me off that i am paying that much money for frames that inevitably are warped or uncomfortable by the end of the first month and misery for however long it takes me to save up for the next try.
i mean, i’m slowly going blind anyway… but damn it all to fuck, as long as i CAN see, i really would LIKE TO see.
you know?
(panting) sorry. didn’t mean to run off on it like that. it’s just… frustrating. the weight of my encroaching blindness is wearing me out because all i can think of is being blind and unable to work in my native industry… and what the ‘next plateau’ is going to take to reach.
believe it or not, i’m not going to let that depress me. i’m still happy, damn it. it’s still friday, and i’m still paid. fuck the clouds. i will savor sunshine while i have it, if i have to punch out the world to do it or not.
so there.