funny little regionalism that sticks in my head in this moment. fya is ‘for you’. only most times it really wasn’t, i suppose.
i spent tonight thinking. dangerous stuff. usually just for me. sometimes for others. but never in ways that matter or mean anything to anyone but me. i know this because i’m the only one who suffers for it.
when i’ve hurt someone, when i know i’ve done it, i feel like shit, yes, but most importantly, i want to make sure they know it was not intentional. i apologize. fya. (wry grin)
actually, for both of us. i’m a mouthy, opinionated, passionate, intense, over-thinking mess most times… but i never, ever deliberately set out to hurt others. never. oh sure, i think about it here and there. stars, you’d best be happy to not know some of the things i think of… but do? no.
but it seems sometimes the difference between thoughts and actions doesn’t mean much to others. they figure if you think it, you will do it. high probability. just a matter of the right (or wrong) circumstances, isn’t it?
actually. no. it isn’t. maybe it is for you. not like i know. but not here. little thing called principle. i know it’s horribly old fashioned, but it happens to mean something here. and the thought that it’s so easy to just…. assume i’m lacking… i’m sitting here hurting. and feeling very foolish. as usual.
of course you’d assume i’m lacking. what reason have i given you to think anything else, right? lacking in principle in one area is lacking in them all, i suppose. can’t blame someone for the assumption across the board when any one area has been compromised, can ya?
there wasn’t a thing in the wide world i wouldn’t have done fya. but mostly i just wanted to be your friend.
friendships can’t be built on fear… and if they could, it wouldn’t be the kind of thing i’d ever want fya.