i found this quote while looking for something entirely different.
The person that desires to have only pleasure and refuses pain expends an enormous amount of energy resisting life – and at the same time misses out enormously.
He or she is on a self-defeating mission in any case, for just as we evade certain forms of suffering we inevitably fall victim to others.
Underlying our glitzy modern consumer culture there is a deep spiritual under-nourishment and malaise that manifests all kinds of symptoms: nervous disorders, loneliness, alienation, purposelessness . . .
So blanking out, running away, burying our heads in the sand or videotape will take us nowhere in the long run.
If we really want to solve our problems – and the world’s problems, for they stem from the same roots – we must open up and accept the reality of suffering with full awareness, as it strikes us, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, in the here-now.
Then, strange as it may seem, we reap vast rewards. For suffering has its positive side. From it we derive the experience of depth: of the fullness of our humanity. This puts us fully in touch with other people and the rest of the Universe. ~ John Snelling
i think about this quote and am tempted to think about the people i know who are avoidant. then i remind myself it really isn’t about ‘them’ at all, it’s about ‘me’. and i think about the truth that is how so many people, right this moment, are eaten up with suffering because of actions like those listed.
it was completely counter-intuitive, the notion that the only way to get through the pain was to turn toward it rather than away from it. we are taught to avoid things that hurt. we are taught to pretend pain doesn’t exist, negate the thought, deny the experience. is it no wonder how we suffer because of this?
i found another quote along similar lines. it was a lama speaking to a woman who had asked what she should do about suffering from the pain of an unrequited love. the lama’s words to her are very likely the most tenderly beautiful words on the topic i have ever heard. combined with the above quote, an extremely powerful testament to the core of what it IS to live within the triad of dana, maitri, and karuna.
i will end this post with that quote and say nothing more. frankly, between the two, there really isn’t anything more to be said.
The pain is real. That is the point. Turn towards that pain again and again. It is your open and sensitive heart hurting. Don’t shut it down – let the hurt open you up – it’s no use trying to shut it down. It doesn’t get better that way. It is like trying to kill something that just won’t die. Better to accept that the pain is real.
What else are you going to do with it if not try to smooth it away? Let it be what it is – open out – let it hurt and notice again and again that it is this pain that unites you will all other beings.
Everywhere you look others are suffering just as you are. It is universal. Everyone longs for that love, that being known, that being accepted for what they are – for companionship, for communication deep and meaningful, for trust, for warmth, for the joy of discovering what is true and genuine in oneself and others.
So let your heart open and feel the pain of yourself and of others. That pain cannot destroy you and it cannot make things worse – at least when you open to the pain you feel alive and where there is life there is hope.
The pain is what makes you a human being and it’s driving you to look for the truth, the truth that goes beyond the grasping and trying to make things what they are not, the truth of awakening to what is truly real and precious in yourself and others – all others.
Notice how you ignore and count for nothing all those people around you that you think of as not really your friends. How lonely are they? How much are they doing to themselves what you are doing to yourself?
Let the pain in your heart open you to everyone – every living thing and let the pulse of life pulse through you and tell you that there is another way to be. It is the only solution. You cannot kill the life of your heart and you cannot get rid of the pain – you can only realise what it is, awaken to what it is. It is Bodhichitta – the Awakened Heart. I really cannot see any way round this – whatever words one chooses to use – I cannot see any way round this.
I wish I could help you to have courage and confidence in this.
~ Lama Shenpen Hookham