i’m not going
it comes to me
mohammed laughingly stated
glib, unaware
mountains move not
kissing the sky
contentedly
eye level with hawks, i gazed over trees and into the far horizon. misty blue mountains at distance, louis armstrong singing ‘body and soul’, fresh coffee, and you… there… your sleepy face and half-closed eyes belying the tanto sharpness of the mind that listened as i rambled.
the zen garden you denigrated, self-depricating laughter to my compliment, you said, “nothing grows there.” i noticed the moment of quiet following my rebuttal, “many things grow there, just not flowers. i find it beautiful.”
it seemed less blunt than saying i found you beautiful. you with your sleepy eyes and careful words, you with your quiet, slow padding from kitchen to counter and baby blue college football sweats. i had the distinct feeling you’d just left bed and your little boy domesticity created strangely adult reactions.
i said at one point i would be willing to pay you to come sit on that patio a couple of hours now and then. i don’t think you took me seriously. or maybe you did and i was too busy being stunned to notice.
it made me feel good that you seemed comfortable with me. and it bothered me that i could not tell what you were thinking. when i asked, you said only ‘nothing’. i floundered in the peacefulness, but the dog took pity upon me and helped me with nudges and simple insistence.
sitting here, now, i think on it and am slightly surprised that three hours passed so quickly. i do not remember all the conversation, only the peaks, and a slight pang of regret that i didn’t have the chance to hear your laughter. you surprised me with your candor. i find myself wondering if i returned the favor. i hope so.
i think too much. definitely. but among the many thoughts is one that is thankful to have had those moments, and the lesson of ‘being’ given by you. i am, of course, a most stubborn student. in this moment, i am thankful of this as well, as i find i am softly eager to return to the peaceful expanse of the mountainside classroom.