i actually slept through last night. this morning, i’m thinking about a number of things, most of which have to do with getting my head back to where it needs to be instead of wearing myself out over things that i obviously lack the ability to change.
in other news…. at this point, my job is about to wear me out. there is increasing pressure to write up everything and deliver, deliver, deliver it to them. how i do what i do, what i recommend for them to get things organized, best practices, development process.
you do recall i was hired to qualify/close leads and manage client relations, right?
i recall it.
i also recall what i used to get paid to do what they’re now asking me to do. i look at my checkbook and my wallet and there’s a big part of me that wants very much to say, “you’re kidding, right?”
the raise promised at three months never materialized. the benefits promised at three months never materialized. a good many other things purportedly waiting for me with this job have simply never materialized and looking at my one year anniversary with this company, i’m just not seeing a future where it is going to be anything but more of the same.
if you’re hearing a thread of annoyance, you’ve got the right station but you need to turn the volume up a bit. i’m almost to the point where i’m willing to turn in my notice without anything to go to, just to be out from under the pressure of it.
i won’t of course. i can’t. but stars, i want to…. i think the moment it all changed was the moment that my manager came to me with this huge documentation request and when i said to him, “look, if you want me to do this kind of work, we really need to talk about my salary because i’m going to need more money for this.” and he replied, “we’d all like more money, wouldn’t we?”
he might as well have just said, “screw you, you’re stuck with it, aren’t ya?” and you know what? from that moment, about a month and a half ago, i’ve already left this company. it’s just a matter of when i can manage in reality what i’ve already done in spirit.
i still do the work. i still give 100% toward what they hired me to do. but i’m not doing a damn thing more. they lost the part of me that would do something for nothing when they demonstrated they didn’t give a shit about botching my taxes…. about lying to me about benefits (which i need badly)…. about not caring that they’re taking advantage of me.
i think i’ve just about had enough of people taking advantage of me. and i think i’m finally fed up of it enough to do more than say so.
woe to those who won’t see it coming. i suspect it will be quite the rude shock. and you know what? there’s definitely part of me that is grinning for it and saying, ‘it’s about fucking time!’