i have just watched the most amazing movie. released 2004, french, subtitled, the title is this post’s title.
it is the story of a boy’s home; a children’s home. the trailer lists it as a ‘boarding school’. i suppose that would have been the nice, proper, ‘let’s not think about it too much’ name of such places at that place in time and history. it was a boy’s home; a place where the orphaned, the unwanted, and the economically inconvenient children went to live.
let’s just say i identified.
a good story. good direction. good dialogue. i would say it is great, but i don’t think these kinds of movies can be called ‘great’ because they really do not aspire to be ‘great’. they are special, though…. and this one no less than the others that grace my collection.
i’m torn. part of me wants to tell you all about it. why it means something. why you should see it. why there are deep lessons in it about humanity, about children, and about life. but i realize the things i so often see are not the same things others do or would.
were i to ask you to see if ‘for me’… i wonder… would you do so?
the french title is ‘les choriestes’ and the lead is Gerard Jugnot. rent it. watch it. i promise you that you will be glad you did.
i just finished watching it. needless to say my head is filled with feelings and thoughts. i love art for how this is possible. i love how it can evoke and touch and uplift and remind.
i know i’m a giddy, impetuous, foolish thing… and i don’t care. when i fill myself up with something like this movie, i am left sitting here, humming… thrumming… full of beauty and grace and life and love and the wordless things that are never uttered, only given in smiles and tears, touches, hugs, and sighs.
i wish there were someone close enough to give any of it to. they wouldn’t even need to stay if they didn’t want… just be here long enough to smile and laugh and take a hug and maybe a cuddle. i fear the cats are only so much good in moments like these.
if you ever want to really understand why i get so melancholy, this is it…. because i have so much life and laughter and love. i am brimming with it. purely full and sloshing over with it. and am so very eager and happy to just… pour it out, no distinction, no discrimination, no holds barred, no need for it. like sunlight, just want to bathe everything in reach.
and then i remember, realize, see… there is no one in reach.
i’ll stop here but for one more thought… i wish you were in reach.
consider me sighing, and giving myself a firm, mental shake. pulling the shutters down over that and coughing a bit and then saying….
in other news….
the fellow who i thought stood me up because i have arthritis has suddenly reappeared. he says he was in mexico for the last month, work study. he is a research scientist. biology i think. perhaps chemistry. i cannot remember. but i believe him.
he wants to meet this wednesday. i have decided i’m going. if nothing else, a new friend and goodness knows i need them. so we’ll see. we spoke by phone tonight and i can already tell he’s just so terribly intrigued with/by me. but i am not at all sure if it is in ‘the right ways’. i’ll explain…
if you were to paint a line, call it a continuum, and on one end, set the label ‘professional academic’ and on the other end, set the label ‘everything but professional academic’, you’ve just outlined how i believe he sees me.
we’ve talked enough that he’s asked ‘the questions’ that lead to ‘the answers’ that effectively inform folks that i’m anything but ‘normal’ by any definition. and i believe much of his intrigue rests in finding out more about this astonishing intelligent female who ‘comes from the wrong side of the tracks’.
that is to say, i think his interest is almost academic. (sorry, terrible pun, i know.)
on the one hand, part of me is miffed by that. on the other, i couldn’t care less because it is hardly as if i know this person well enough to consider them as more than a potential friend and frankly, as picky as i am, there’s a much higher probability he’ll wax himself from my consideration far faster than i might do in his eyes.
he’s obviously not a snob, as he wants to meet. he’s obviously not a classist, as what little he knows of me has not resulted in the usual ‘oh, she’s one of *those*” followed by a brushoff (though admittedly, it did seem that way at first).
i suppose you could say i’m a little intrigued as well. he doesn’t fit the mold of men who care more for how well you follow the rules or how many of the social etiquettes you adhere to (at least, it doesn’t seem so in this moment). so he’s potential friend material and that alone is a refreshing surprise.
it’s interesting. i’m already seeing him more as a friend than anything. i have absolutely no intention or interest toward more. i told him so, too. flat out. felt damn good. it was a funny conversation though, because he laughed for it rather than getting in a snit over it. a good sign.
i told him, ‘look, i’m 42, will be 43 in august. i’ve spent my entire life doing things that others wanted just to keep myself off the street. then i spent a bunch of time doing for family and putting myself last on every possible list. and i’m just at a point in my life where i’m not willing to do that anymore. not only this, i’m actually starting to say… hey! maybe it’s time for someone else to put ME first for a change in my relationships.’
fairly brash to say to someone you’ve only known for a couple of months and a handful of phone calls. but you know what? it’s what i want and need and damn it, i’m never going to have either if i don’t pipe up and make it known.
so. anyway. wednesday. we’ll see, i reckon. i’m deliberately not going to allow myself to be all giddy for it like i was last time. i’m in “convince me” mode. and i bloody well intend to stay there for a while. perhaps even a long while.
the world and all that is in it can take it as an advisory. that would be my recommendation. heh.