it is an especial stupidity how attuned and affected (afflicted?) i am by the phases of the moon. i’ve long ago given up on trying to pretend it is anything else. too damned consistent.
this, nearing half moon, is weighing on me like bricks. mid-month phasing tends to be morose, sap shit. pensiveness, loneliness, and emotional crap rising to the top to be sloughed off or just experienced and re-sunk until next month.
in this moment, i’m missing my lost friend. and i’m feeling angry and hurt. and i’m wishing it were different. and, of course, on top of it all, i’m wishing i had someone to curl up with, kiss, and forget all of it with.
i’m still not ready to write about the trip. turns out there are a host of things snarled up with this goal now met and most of them are going to require careful handling. meh. always something, isn’t it?
i have been simply sitting in the moment and enjoying that i am here. finally. here. really. here. there is a peace in it that even the half moon cannot affect. i am thankful of this.
my roommate and friend, james, is an amazing person. hard to read, though. but every bit true to his word and i am thoroughly enjoying being able to spend time close to him.
not much more i suppose. there’s a snippet of something weaving through my mind. not sure it’s ready, really… but it seems to want to be placed here.
life renewed in every moment
births and deaths surround us all
breath, blood, and bone
impermanence and what is
not cruel or heavy, just here
so i say as i wipe my eyes
the difference rests in perspective
i do not know why i choose thorns to roses
perhaps i do not. perhaps it is the same.
all i know is petals do not prick.