the first week in my new home town. still smiling for it. among the more tender moments since my arrival was the hug in the kitchen and my friend whispering, “you’re not going to go hungry, you’re not going to be homeless, you’re going to be safe.” and the immediate lump and tears of thankfulness that rose to meet it. strangled whisper against a warm shoulder, “thank you.” what else could be said? i cannot convey how gifted, how blessed i feel to have someone like james in my life.
in truth, he is the first person to be just as willing to take a chance, just as willing to believe in impossibilities, just as willing to embrace and care ‘just because’. i’ve known a lot of people in my life who paid lipservice to this and nothing more. i can honestly say he is the first in my experience who matched action to words.
that alone is humbling and a wonder to experience. but to have such a thing be present without anything more than genuine care behind it…. is almost boggling. i say ‘almost’ because, after all, i believe in this, too. i find i am glad not to have completely lost faith.
i think about michael still. hell, i think about heath still. you know me, i don’t think i’ll ever truly forget any of them. do you ever really forget the people to whom you give a piece of yourself? i don’t.
i am happy to be here. more than i can say. but i am also melancholy for the people i wish i could share this happiness with… but it is balanced by the sharing with james. he’s a hard read, but i think he can tell how glad i am, and how much i appreciate his openness, care, and giving.
actually, it’s a bit strange for me. meh. i won’t go into it. suffice to say on some levels, he confuses me. not in a bad way. i suppose it’s more a sign of my history than anything. yeah, i know, i’m being cryptic again… sorry.
life is good. always has been. i am content. moreso than usual. the coming week should bring good news on the job front and i’m happy and enthused for it. in the meantime, i’m enjoying really not having to worry about where i’ll stay, how i’ll eat, and such.
for a change, someone is willing to let me lean. wow. i know how this must sound, but it really does feel good.