I am beginning to get just a wee bit grumpy with the manner in which every good or enjoyable thing I attempt to accomplish winds up skittering off the damn road and landing in the weeds. Worst of all, there’s no “fault” or “blame” in it, so the frustration has nowhere to go and just sits here and stews and thickens until I feel like I am going to choke on it.
I finally got tires and the damn shift lock module fixed on the car. Naturally, this means something has to immediately go wrong with it. I’ve got to drop it off tomorrow morning and hope like hell it’s a simple fix, else it’s going to wipe out the little sliver of a financial cushion I have finally managed to save. (I suppose you can tell what I am anticipating; I don’t want to, I don’t like to, but history as it is, it feels somewhat required.)
Additionally, I splurged on a nice evening (a very nice one, actually) in June and thought to invite someone special to share it with me. I figured, hey, a month and a couple of weeks out, what could possibly happen other than grand success and much fun, right? Meh. Right. Turns out that I (in keen form, as ever) manage to pick the one night that there is an immoveable event that precludes their attendance. I’m hoping to exchange the tickets for the next night, but since the site pretty much yells “NO EXCHANGES/NO REFUNDS”, I don’t imagine that’s happening. Maybe it will, but I’m not going to hold my breath. (No, no one else wants to go and oh yes, you can just imagine how thrilled I am for that reality. VIP tickets to a rare event, freely offered, and no one is interested. Great.)
On top of this, recent events at the desk find me listening as it is generally admitted that what I do is much needed and even moreso discounted, but meh, the chances that this will change before the frustration of it fries me in my seat is… well, slim enough to be non-existent.
Oh, and then, like a little cherry on top, I’ve got something going on (that I do not wish to talk about just yet) that is looming a darker cloud than ever I have in my life seen (and that, m’friends, is saying something).
Then we have the sprinkles on top of that cherry in the ongoing debacle of second class citizenry that is pushing at me even now and insisting I just BUY THE THIRD CAT, DAMN IT.
You want to know the saddest part? I am a sunny, happy, optimistic bordering on ridiculously perky person normally. Lately, I’m all but my own stupid vortex of annoyance, frustration, and angst and it just seems like life is taking a little too much enjoyment in dripping cement over me whilst giggling for how hard I’m straining just to keep moving ahead (and not completely lose my damn cool in any given moment).
I remember when I could shrug off anything. I miss that competency. I am not sure where it has gone. All I know is that I’d give just about anything to have a shoulder to lean on for a while. Who am I kidding, though? That just isn’t in the plan.
Ok. Biting my mental lip and ending here lest it get loose and splash any more than it has already.
Sigh.