direct evidence of the delusion in effect, at last, a chance to reply to it directly. not that the one choosing the delusion will ever see it differently, but because failure to reply and set forth where delusion is in effect is tantamount to saying it is correct or true, which it most profoundly, emphatically, and utterly is not.
Date: Mon, 15 Jan 2007 11:09:03 -0600
From: “heath rezabek” (*****)
Subject: Re: FW: Scrytch – An Invitation
score=-2.6, required 6, autolearn=not spam, BAYES_00 -2.60,
SPF_PASS -0.00)*) Instead of co-conspirators, I now feel like I’m surrounded by informers. Editors even.
i take upon myself all blame for any unintended ill effects. because the immune response was activated by my own reaction [extreme, intense, nausea-inducing distrust and discomfort] to the unwanted and pursuing presence of this agent in my life, personal questions about the result can be directed to me rather than the list, which the agent surreptitiously monitors.
Incorrect. My following of the scrytch list is neither covert nor has there been any attempt to make it so. Despite your paranoia and choices, it remains that I enjoyed scrytching, and my participation had nothing whatever to do with you, as entries here and there cleanly and clearly demonstrate.
There is no ‘pursuit’ of you. Except in your mind. This also, easily and quickly born out here and in the reality that is a complete and utter lack of communication or interest in communication with you since you requested it in August, broken only at YOUR initiation in every instance under which it has since been broken.
this is all i myself will say on this. the agent’s controlling efforts mean that i no longer feel comfortable developing my own creative work here, but remain in fondness for the community which grew like a secret flower out of what was no better than a sophomoric science experiment in copyright issues. thus the ‘-as appropriate’ was the part of ‘appropriate as appropriate’ that the agent could not comprehend.
If you perceive you are being controlled, then perhaps you will take some time to consider it is your own choices of unreasonable fear and abject paranoia that are controlling you. I neither have nor want contact with you. I certainly have no interest in the sick manner of control that you continue to assert is present here.
That here, in this statement, you now attempt to give retroactive continuity to words set forth when you were not possessed of this irrationality is telling. “As appropriate” in the context of what Scrytch was set forth to be is very obvious and no one, least of all me, has been “inappropriate” in using entries to the list to create Scrytch. Recent commentary by other list participants upholds this a reasonable and rational view.
On the other hand, what IS inappropriate is the manner in which you have continued this odd campaign of paranoia over the venues in which we happen to have any degree of proximity.
You continue to visit this blog. Even as you have explicitly been asked to go away. Shall I post the logs?
You do not and cannot demonstrate a single point of inappropriate behavior here because there is none. But you can and do continue to posit and assert it exists. I would ask why, but it seems fairly obvious… you have a need to control your environment entirely and anything or anyone that fails to bow to this need is automatically condemned.
So be it. Your condemnations are not binding on the world, only on yourself. And if you prefer to writhe in the grip of this bizarre certainty that you’re pursued and persecuted… may it bring to you all you need. Here, it is seen as a sickness. One for which I seriously and sincerely hope medicine quickly arrives.
the event has changed my perspective enough that i myself will be fully copyrighting my own creative output from here on in my life; and i could never have forseen anything or anyone which could before have caused such a deep change of heart and perspective in me, before this. i say these things to provide context, and to make it clear that the question is one of deep personal discomfort, and that therefore questions should be directed to me personally. i will not have it effect those i love any further if i can help it.
By all means have it taken to private channels. Anyone who investigates otherwise will quickly see where the paranoia and obsession over control rests… and that would put a rather messy hole in the story, wouldn’t it?
I will not be shut off from public venues nor will I curtail my enjoyment of them because you are unable to see it without falling into this odd state. You do not and will not control my life, Heath. What small grant of such influence you once held has long since been revoked. You do not deserve it, you certainly do not know how to avoid abuse of it, and while it may be that your pitiful self-flagellation stirs protective instincts in some, it is seen here for what it is and rejected utterly as the very inappropriate behavior you are so quick to accuse others of… but so impotent to see in yourself.
Get help. Seriously. You need it.