never let it be said that the universe does not, in every moment, seek to confirm all things when one is walking the correct path. what doubt was held that this is the case has crumbled slowly of late, and today, is fully dispatched. why? well… i’m glad you asked.
as part of on-going study, i partake in and on occasion contribute to several ‘virtual sanghas’. but most often, i simply read them, letting the whispers of the universe find me in the many words of others. today, while perusing one in particular, the following leapt out to me, and, landing softly, it tenderly swept away the last of my doubts:
“It’s time to work on dealing with the conventions of the real world as a Buddhist, instead of throwing up your arms and saying, “Maybe next lifetime.”
one of the most frustrating things in recent events with one now set apart was, whenever there was a moment in which awareness and becoming arrived to be embraced, instead, it was rejected with this very thought, this very thing, this very saying.
in the process of reading, studying, and contemplating, it has been repeatedly given that to turn from these things is to depart the path and be lost wholly. so for this persistence in aversion, it was my part to deal wrathful compassion, and a heavy thing in many moments it has been, all the more so for that my own learning is small and often i have felt unable to meet the need as well as it deserved.
i comfort myself with the knowledge that my own sense of certainty (or in this case, the lack thereof) is irrelevant, and that, in all things, the universe tends best to all ends, and insures that the right whispers are given to the correct one to speak them. in this, deep comfort, and the wisdom to accept that despite all, what was given was what was needed and, have given as fully as might be done, there is nothing more but to let it pass as all things do.
the balance between compassion, its tender and wrathful forms, is an area in which there is a slow but growing trust. i have for some time avoided the wrathful form for fear of dealing too heavily and, in the doing, setting impediment where only wish for progress lives. but, in the above quote, and in a deeper contemplation, in careful study and conference with one who was, for a brief time, teacher, i am given to understand that all things lend to progress, and the only demand is that what is given be given with good intent. the universe knows what is needed and in every moment, tends to its deliverance.
so, in the end, comfort throughout and a sense of gratitude that such heavy thoughts are not required burdens. gratitude also for the learning delivered to me through interactions i embraced rather than rejected… it was a challenge to remember the good of all this, but i would not have the blossoms wilt simply because there were weeds.
to see things as they are, not as one might wish them to be, is a choice.
but the difference between how things are and how they could be is also a choice, for all things are possible in the moment we conceive them to be possible, and only in turning from them do they ever become less so.
there is deep beauty in that last sentence. it is a thing i often contemplate, for it is as much a deep and abiding sadness. how much despair lives in the world simply because people choose to constrain themselves and reject awareness and becoming? the languid arms of samsara too often seem more delightful. ‘maybe next life’, they groan, and turn to embrace illusion.
it is said that any who seek The Dharma are mandated to attempt to shatter such whenever it is encountered. to not do so is worse than wrong, it is a betrayal that harms all beings and a wound to the Triple Jewels. but it is a hard thing, to set the wrathful face before another. it is done, but it is to weep for the terrible sadness in the doing. i cannot speak for others, nor can i as much as breathe upon their choices, but to pointedly and bluntly say a thing is as it is i can do, and have done, because i must.
may it bring benefit. i need not to know it has done so, let it be a secret thing, only let it be.
“As soon as mental affliction arises, Endangering myself and others, By facing it I shall strictly avert it.” – Kadhampa master, Chakawa
i will not avoid this lesson. i will not avoid my own faults and flaws found in it. i will not turn my face and say, ‘Maybe next life.’ i will not cling to another, nor to the error of thinking i can do other than speak what the universe gives me to speak. what words i hold are given, what aspiration to aid i have is delivered, there is nothing more for me but to take the next step, and the next, and then the next still… resting my certainty in that all things serve their purpose, and as part of ‘all’, so do i.