friday. the day after. heh. the birthday was pleasant this year. more so than expected for all the dubiousness that led to it. i laugh at myself. so what. another year. beats the alternative, right?
my daughter gave to me what is very likely the most thoughtful, most touching, most loving gift humanly possible. she called me last week tuesday, bubbling over, couldn’t wait to tell me she had ‘found the perfect gift’. i could tell she was just popping to tell me what it was, but she didn’t. and neither did Sean. surprising, really. neither one of them have ever been good at keeping secrets… so i knew that it was really something they knew i would love. which, despite myself, got me all giddy, bubbly, wondering, happy, too.
and, of course, i have to wait until Thursday to find out. but it was worth it to have Sean come in to work every day and ask, ‘Has she told you yet?’ so i could answer, ‘Why no, of course not!’ and his soft swearing under his breath because he wants to talk about it!
hah.
she came over early yesterday. early enough that i knew it was giddiness bringing her. she doesn’t get up on a work day until much later. when she got here, it was all she could do not to force me to open it right away. i puttered around, offered her coffee, talked about the cats… until i couldn’t keep the grin from my face and we were both laughing for it.
opening it slowly, she starts chattering about finding it… telling me the story… telling me there was one other, but it was so large that she didn’t think it a good choice, considering my small apartment… and then, the last of the paper is gone, and i stand there… looking, holding, crying.
a buddha. my first. given to me by one who thinks of my interests, my needs, and smiles to see me smiling. one who cares. one who loves.
we had breakfast together, we talked a bit about her portfolio. she has landed the top photographer in the city, a fellow who is doing her shoot for free just to have her in his portfolio.
her agent speaks of Maxim and the potential for national print work. she doesn’t look starry-eyed over it, but speaks of it all in practical, business terms. she speaks as well of schooling, and her interest in the business world. we talk of that plan and agree when she has saved enough money to get it off the ground, that we’ll work together on marketing and management.
i’ll be upgrading Flash soon to get her domain online, now that we have images and tear sheets to host. i look at her, see her moving through the world poised, confident, and motivated… barely out of the nest and flying smoothly, spiraling higher… and in that moment, feeling age, quietly meditating in the back of my mind on impermanence, i had a sense of meaning and purpose to my life that sometimes seems lacking… if it turns out my only purpose here was to see her into the world… i count myself extraordinarily blessed for it. she is, in every way, my star, guiding light, saving grace, and delight.
a happy birthday, indeed.