took a nap and had a dream. in it, i was sitting at a table in some coffee shop and over time, five others arrive who will remain unidentified except as their actions/words might reveal to those who read and have knowledge enough to know them.
initially, i was sitting alone. sipping a doppio and people-watching. from the doorway, i catch a movement and look to see a boy arrive. he looks oddly uncomfortable, as if trying to decide whether or not to say hello. i nod, neutral. he approaches and takes a seat.
his stammers a hello and launches into this strange explanation of his recent actions. he blames events. he blames stress. he blames confusion and anxiety. he finally peters out of words and looks to me for a reaction.
i tell him that i too, have felt these things and endured them for some years, but somehow, i manage not to take it out on others. i tell him that i find it odd he looks for me to accept something that, even now, he presents as reason for behavior that is, in every case, unacceptable.
i ask him if he thinks i am worthless, or perhaps stupid, or maybe just a fool. he shakes his head no, but remains silent. i tell him i’m all out of illusion with regard to him; no longer willing to pretend his carelessness of me is anything other than a complete and utter inability to find his way to mutuality. i tell him that, while i’m not angry, i am no longer willing to invest time or effort toward him, because he is terminally impacted and thus, unable to reciprocate.
he looks surprised. i tell him gently that i sincerely hope he finds what he needs, but none of it is to be found in me. and then, politely, i ask him to leave the table. i look away for a moment and when i look back, he is gone.
the waitress comes by, and it is someone i recognize. we chat a moment about recent events and she tells me she heard i’m out of work, but not to worry for it, that someone will call in the next week with an offer that will make all that went before seem worthwhile. i look at her with surprise, and ask how she can possibly know such a thing… and she winks at me with a sly grin, sets my order on the table, and saunters off.
i’m mulling this over when the chair to my left is pulled out and someone sits down. i look to them and find a man who has the head of a snake. he is smirking at me, being polite, but in that way that reveals all too clearly that care is lacking. he says that he couldn’t help but overhear i’m out of work… and how terrible that must be. he says he’d offer to help, but he really can’t imagine who might want me around. he grins smugly at me, as if somehow, he’s managed to accomplish something.
i laugh. the sound of it wipes the smug smile from his face and he looks almost comical as he tries to figure out why his words haven’t hurt me, haven’t bothered me. it brings still more laughter, and i ask him why is it that the boy we both know is sleeping on floors and in strange houses if he is a friend? his face mirrors surprise and flushes several colors as his mouths moves, but no sound or words manage to come forth.
i lean in slowly and tell him how sorry i am that he’d rather hiss and spit poisons, be jealous and territorial than anything else. i tell him as well that he can save his energy with regard to me. turning, i see a flash of color that is the boy, departing, and point him out to the snake-headed man, telling him to look, and see for himself… and shake my head somewhat wryly as he immediately leaps to his feet and chases after the boy.
as i’m turning this loose, the waitress returns, and slides me a small, folded piece of paper. curious, i open it. only two words, ‘look outside.’ i do, and there, at a table for two, with a sunbeam splashed across the space, is my friend. i look up to the waitress, smiling widely, and she nods, ‘i’ll move your tab for you.’ i walk quickly outside to where they sit… we embrace and take our seats.
i’m surprised. i know this one lives some distance away, and has a very real fear of flying. how did they get here? i’m about to ask when they grin to me and say, ‘you didn’t think neurosis was going to keep me from you, did you?’ we laugh, and it’s one of those moments that make people look and smile, and wonder. i sit there and feel incredibly happy, just to look upon them, see them smile, and feel the closeness of their presence.
we’re talking animatedly about recent events in our lives when i hear someone call my name. looking over my right shoulder, i see him walking from the entrance path towards us, face wreathed in smiles. he is astonishingly well-turned for someone who spends his time on a ranch. i’m giggling and see that he is too, apparently my surprise shows.
he takes a seat to my right and whispers as he folds himself into the chair, ‘what, you expected chaps and a cowboy hat?’ which just makes me laugh all the louder. i make the introductions and the next hours are spent in a delightful bout of conversation, laughter, and caring that are almost painful, so great the enjoyment.
eventually, the little sidewalk coffeeshop is closing, and they shoo us from the place, the last ones to leave. we walk a smiling chuckling trio down the street as the night comes… as we’re walking, the streetlamps are coming on, and the timing is such that each is popping on as we walk by them. we grin to one another and make the obligatory jokes about friendship and light, stopping beneath one to simply hug one another and whisper how happy we are to have had this time together.
we go in different directions, but slowly, clasped hands stretching as distance pulls us apart. when at last no contact remains, i am not left alone on the street, but instead, fade from myself, from the world, and there is something of an ‘intermission’ but it is strange… because there is no sound, no presence, no anything… an odd void that is cushion and comfort, and which slowly lifted me until i began to realize i was lying in my bed, sleeping, dreaming… at which point, of course, i woke up… and immediately came here to log it.