i remember the days when survival meant not being able to afford things like pride. but it isn’t like you think. i am reminded by something that just happened with my downstairs neighbor.

here’s some humor for you, albeit of a dark sort.

the multiverse reminds me that assuming is still pointless. heh.

having just put the phrase ‘mea culpa’ into an email to another, the stream obligingly sends Enigma’s song of the same title over to me.

a huge clap of thunder overhead woke me. i think i was dreaming all along. the irony of thunder is a thing i could describe, but will not. surely there is something very wrong with me. it is the only determination i can reach, as the entire world seems to find the things i find reasonable, normal, or relevant to be unreasonable, abnormal, and irrelevant. asking openness where only behind-the-bush whispers are condoned, i am asked in turn to justify the thought that anyone but a life partner has ground from which to expect openness, belonging, and the simple respect […]

obligatory entry time. nothing massive or deep to report. a beautiful day in which, for a change, i pampered MYSELF, damn it. heh.

i do not think i can be friends with you. every time we talk, all i can think about is you telling me you can’t imagine us working out. oh, and how, somehow, you think it’s possible to tell me that and not have it change everything.

five things that make me wish i weren’t so fucking observant…. and five things that i wish i could forget:

i was going to ask a very serious question here. had it all typed out and everything. sat here for a good ten minutes looking at it, preparing to post it. then, i realized — if you were ever willing to answer it, you would have done so long ago. so. a sigh and an edit and an admission — i’ll never know. maybe some day, i’ll be able to stop wondering.