a lesson found today…

sometimes, circumstances are a real pain. i do not usually talk about work here, mostly because much of what i do is proprietary and cannot be mentioned. however, today, i am doing so.

i should be sleeping. but i cannot until i get this out of my head and placed here. this likely will not make any sense whatever to anyone not in the situation, but that’s ok. those who get it will, and those who don’t likely do not need to do so.

the word for today is ‘melancholy’. the song is courtesy of Jonathan Coulton, ‘When You Go’ (MP3 link).

i adore synchronicities. i used to fear them. no more. they bring comfort. i have a new friend, a very good and cherished friend. someone i can share anything with, and who shares everything with me. it is hard to describe the sense of love and care that lives here for them. deep. strong. alive.

today was Sean’s birthday. we gathered at the local spot, where we shoot pool and hang out. laughter, smiles, and warm wishes, a good outing. they are heading into downtown for more intense partying. i, turn to home. but not before handing a gift to him. i liked the look of surprise, and how it intensified when he discovered it was something he could actually use and did, in fact, need.

friday. the day after. heh. the birthday was pleasant this year. more so than expected for all the dubiousness that led to it. i laugh at myself. so what. another year. beats the alternative, right? my daughter gave to me what is very likely the most thoughtful, most touching, most loving gift humanly possible. she called me last week tuesday, bubbling over, couldn’t wait to tell me she had ‘found the perfect gift’. i could tell she was just popping to tell me what it was, but she didn’t. and neither did Sean. surprising, really. neither one of them have […]

tonight, i had a friend over, and together, we watched a movie. but not just any movie, and not just any friend. the friend is one who has, for the last six months, watched and listened and heard me endure love and heartache and loss and all the things that come with it. and the movie was ‘V for Vendetta’. it was deliberate, this process. something of a ritual, really. a moving through, and a choice to see many things, and to see all of them differently. a choice to embrace what is, release what cannot be, and, instead of […]

tomorrow is my birthday. i will be 41. i take the day off each year and spend it contemplating the year just past, and this year will be no exception. i begin that process early this year. it seems fitting. the last year has seem some fairly amazing changes in life. the end of the shadowed valley i have walked for the last six years, and a return to something approximating normalcy. i find myself lightly surprised, for as it occurred, it did not seem such huge steps were being made… but in looking back, the changes are truly profound. […]

today’s comfort and insight, courtesy of Ven. Thubten Chodron: when we develop an intention to free ourselves from cyclic existence and its causes and to attain liberation,…we decide, for the first time in our life, that we’re really committed to being happy. because you see, when we chase samsaric pleasures, we’re not really committed to being happy. we’re committed to being addicts.  i find i like the manner in which the universe layers lessons onto the path for me. these words, certain synchronicities, odd appearances of friends long missed, new friends with just the right words to help me through, […]