I have cut contact/relation with many people in my life, and not one time was the choice an easy or enjoyable one. Inevitably, it came down to whether or not the person in question was willing to accept and care for me as well as they demand I accept and care for them. Inevitably, the person in question asked more of me than they were, themselves, willing to give, and all discussion foundered unless I was willing to accept this as ‘how it would be’. I wasn’t willing with them, back then, just as I’m unwilling today, with you. For […]
Passed Tense
My daughter texted my husband to let him know that the woman who fostered me in the children’s home died on the 17th. She sent along a link to the funeral home’s memorial page, where I find an unintentionally ironic final validation of the status of myself and other children once more set forth: “…plus many foster children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.” Because of course they never meant it when they said I as going to be a part of their family. Because of course they won’t actually include me anymore. Because of course they will never accept and will keep […]
Neuronormative bias in online communications
As I navigate online spaces, I often find myself hyper-verbal and highly engaged. My words flow freely, and my enthusiasm for topics is contagious. But despite my best efforts, I’ve noticed that some people misinterpret my intentions. They assume I’m dominating conversations or derailing discussions because my input can’t be contained. But the truth is, my hyper-verbosity isn’t driven by a desire to dominate. It’s simply how my autistic brain processes and expresses itself. In rapid-fire chat environments like Discord, forums, social media, and online communities, I thrive on being able to share my thoughts and ideas quickly and efficiently. […]
Lingua Bingua Suckma Thingma
Heraclitus and Epictetus are my two, favorite, dusty, dead Greek dudes (I like many more, but these two are personal canon favorites). Both were known for their ‘odd’ language use and I choose to believe were of similar perspective, if not neurotype, as me. My man, Heraclitus, had a grip on my concept of paradox as the ultimate herald of any existent, Manifest Truth. Standford’s Encyclopedia of Philosophy as of Dec. 2023 sums it thus: “The exact interpretation of these doctrines is controversial, as is the inference often drawn from this theory that in the world as Heraclitus conceives it […]
Rumination – Psychiatric Therapist Required
I wish I could find a psychiatrist who would just let me tell them my entire life story before getting into “the work”. My life story IS exceptional and in defiance of all neuronormativity, I am, too. But in context, so too may say all humanity. The unique experiences far outweigh the shared ones. I believe, feel, and think that my story can be helpful to others. I just don’t have the brain to write it all. So I guess what I really want is for some psychiatrist to make me a case study and tell the world about how […]
The Harmful Truth: Why Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) and Positive Behavioral Support (PBS) are Damaging to Autistic People
Imagine being forced into a life of constant monitoring, manipulation, and control. This is the reality for many autistic individuals who have been subjected to Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) and Positive Behavioral Support (PBS) therapies. These approaches may seem harmless at first glance, but they can be extremely harmful and many aspects of both meet Geneva Convention criteria for torture(1). In this article, we’ll delve into the dark truth behind ABA and PBS, exploring how these therapies can cause physical and emotional trauma, leading to a degradation of overall health. ABA: Torture by Design?ABA is often marketed as a “scientific” […]
Ruminations on estrangements
My children and I are estranged and have been for some time. My son, now age 43, since he was 11 and very unlikely to ever be resolved/reconciled. I allowed his step-mother to adopt him in 1993 as it was the only way I knew they would stop manipulating him and stressing him over his visitations with me. My daughter, now age 36, was more on and off again until roughly 2023, when it became clear that she only wants to be involved with me by phone or email, and being more than willing to insisting upon saying harmful, hurtful, […]
The Toxic Legacy of “Lazy”: Unpacking the Eugenicist Roots of Productivity Pressure & Oppression
In today’s fast-paced society, the word “lazy” has become a ubiquitous term used to describe individuals who fail to meet societal expectations of productivity and efficiency. However, this seemingly innocuous label conceals a complex web of eugenicist attitudes and oppressive behaviors that have far-reaching consequences for human value and well-being. This essay will argue that the concept of “laziness” is deeply rooted in eugenicist ideologies and serves as a tool for oppression, disproportionately affecting individuals with disabilities and neurodivergence. The term “lazy” has its roots in 19th-century eugenics, a pseudo-scientific movement that sought to improve human society through selective breeding […]
Vent: Ablest, ageist, allistic, discriminatory companies need not respond, ever.
I do not know how much longer I can do ‘this’; constantly striving and trying, with lack of any progress in outcomes. I have sought work since 2017 but this industry (technology) will no longer hire me. Whether it’s due to my age, my gender, my lack of a degree, it’s all so specious; with over 30 years of experience in-hand with companies whose names are well known, there’s no reason for this incessant exclusion and rejection from consideration. I could be doing amazing things, and I’m not because humans are so biased and perfection-seeking. It makes me angry. And […]
Lost & Found: My Journey Through Chaos and Discovery of Myself (#Neurodivergent)
It’s been a few years since I was on LinkedIn. It’s been a few years since I felt alive. For some time, I felt like I’d vanished from all knowing. No one knew where I was or what I was going through. It was as if I’d become invisible. And in many ways, I had. My identity, my sense of self, was fragmented and lost amid the chaos. You see, 2017 hit me like a sledgehammer; Allostatic (over)load and an ACE of 10/10 finally caught up with me and I just… crashed. That sentence does not do the horror show […]