i dream of alternate lives. have for as long as i can remember. i often wonder if those dreams are the real life or if this one is. i cannot say i always know. things are different, even as they are the same. me and the ‘generic’ you… in all our amazing possibility… sometimes, you and i are married. sometimes, we have only just met. sometimes, we never meet, not in a grocery, not at the library, not on a street corner, not at all. or, if we do, it’s strangers passing one another without awareness. for all i know […]
cotton-headed thoughts
i am sleepy. as is usually the case when so, thoughts leap and flit about like fish in a lake. i think often of those i have loved who are no longer in my life. men, mostly, but not always. many types of love, for all that it seems most people, when hearing the word, cannot bring themselves to look past ruddy eros. i always have…. though it seems most often only to court disappointment, disillusionment, and despair. this said, i am not any of those in this moment. i’m drowsily contemplative. so instead of mourning or moroseness, simply a […]
advice to a stranger
wowsah, i don’t know where all this came from except that i read something posted by another about trying to decide on ‘taking a risk’ and it just…. flooded up and demanded to be written. bringing it here to serve as it may… here and now… or on some far flung day.
about hope
this, given in reply to another, set here for myself, and any other who may read. very likely the most spontaneous thing i’ve ever written, i wept as i wrote it, i weep now, and i’m smiling at the same time. crazy? maybe. i choose to think it’s important. for many reasons. reasons i will not ruin it by trying to explain. for once. cyncism is nothing more than bruised idealism, the deeper the bruise, the more cynical the result. but underneath it all, we still hope. it is the singular irony of life that we work so hard to […]
difficulties on the path (4 of 4)
well… homestretch. i find this oddly exhilarating. kind of scary. but also kind of a relief. and i’m actually a little surprised i’ve stuck with it. kindly. kindly. but no less insistent. i’d give myself a cookie, but there are none here. ok. enough of that. onward.
difficulties on the path (3 of 4)
it is after midnight, and i am torn between continuing or sleeping and letting this percolate until the morning. part of me feels somewhat compelled to complete it now. but i chuckle… for this is likely the best sign that i should be exceedingly mindful, and wait… and take it up on the morrow. so… i relent. 12:15am and to bed with me. what is written beyond this will be so in the morning. i’ll adjust the time stamp as needed.
difficulties on the path (2 of 4)
continuing from the previous, the next four of the twenty difficulties and my own admissions and thoughts… lessons for learning… i hope.
difficulties on the path (1 of 4)
listening to the internet stream, Dallam’s ‘I-sense’. which begins with the statement, ‘something here has gone very wrong.’ chuckling, i agree. oh boy. do i ever.
a moment
“You must believe the lie, so you may find the way to make it true.” The above, a seminal comment dropped within a light-hearted comedy…. or something that seemed so at first. A movie, recommended to me by a friend; So much so that they bought and shipped me a copy. It was, I think, a meaningful thing on many levels, not the least of which was that I find this one comment in a moment in which it would be simply, beautifully beneficial and helpful to hear it. I cannot say I believe in some overarching order in the […]