ok. first off, i’ve been foregoing deeply personal posting or details in some areas of late because some of you reading here i feel uncomfortable talking about such things in front of… but i cannot afford to edit myself in this place any longer. so. either you’ll accept the full spectrum or you’ll give me grief about it, at which point i will likely cut your access because this IS my place to do whatever i need to do to get it out of my head so i can live a sane life and your access here is more for […]
note to a new friend
I find it interesting how things happen. For some time, I thought pre-destination or determinism was truth. Then, for a time, I thought objectivism was. Then, relativism. Then, I realized something pretty amazing (for me, anyway) — it’s all true…. and it’s all false. Both. At the same time. All the time. Everytime. There was an ancient Greek philosopher named Heraclitus. He’s fairly forgotten by all but the most diligent philosophy students and, even then, they consider him marginal, a sidenote, neatly “rebutted” by Plato and later, by his most ‘famous’ student, Aristotle. Generally, Heraclitus is considered the ‘most important’ […]
resolution
the last time i was resolute, it was in relation to being a good friend. to being a good friend to someone who lied to me, pushed, pulled, and prodded at me to cross my boundaries, blamed me when i did so, then used that blame as the reason to end the friendship. proved pretty conclusively that it wasn’t much of a friendship, actually. good lessons, though. very good reinforcement of the reasons why i should maintain those boundaries. lessons that strengthened my resolve; cemented and set it. handy analogy. cement is a strong and stable thing, but if you […]
archival – about love
i wrote this ‘off the cuff’ over at my myspace page and realized i had not captured it for ‘posterity’ here. heh. so here it is. — You know that old saying about love and setting something free? It goes, “If you love something, set if free, if it is meant to be, it will return to you.” It’s wrong. If you love something, you already admit and accept that it’s free and you love it because it is so, not because you managed to cage it or tie it to your damned ankle. Love isn’t how well something is […]
halos and horns
Halos and horns, we humans. Always trying to pretend we’ve one and not the other. Always so sure if we just manage to saw off the horns, hide the tail, we’ll somehow, magically become perfect, the best, incapable of doing other than the right things. All the honor and love given to the halo of us, unrealized potential, shining hopes, utopian dreams. While the baser, darker things are shoved into corners, hidden under rugs, pushed into closets, or buried under the weight of denial. Have you ever tried not to think of something once you’ve thought of it? White Rabbit. […]
on huna (or not-huna, as the case may be)
I find the following very interesting because there is some controversy over its origin, the culture it seems to want to emulate, and the fact that the teachings it espouses are not so much hawaiian as they are a combination of hinduism/buddhism/shaktism/janism. very intriguing because without the superfluous attempt to make it a ‘hawaiian’ thing, it’s actually pretty deep and, in my personal experience, very, very potent as a system of operation. according to its practitioners, it’s a hawaiian system. according to history, it is a 1930’s invention that co-opts hawaiian terms (and most of them, incorrectly) to define its […]
being and becoming (alternate life)
i dream of alternate lives. have for as long as i can remember. i often wonder if those dreams are the real life or if this one is. i cannot say i always know. things are different, even as they are the same. me and the ‘generic’ you… in all our amazing possibility… sometimes, you and i are married. sometimes, we have only just met. sometimes, we never meet, not in a grocery, not at the library, not on a street corner, not at all. or, if we do, it’s strangers passing one another without awareness. for all i know […]
cotton-headed thoughts
i am sleepy. as is usually the case when so, thoughts leap and flit about like fish in a lake. i think often of those i have loved who are no longer in my life. men, mostly, but not always. many types of love, for all that it seems most people, when hearing the word, cannot bring themselves to look past ruddy eros. i always have…. though it seems most often only to court disappointment, disillusionment, and despair. this said, i am not any of those in this moment. i’m drowsily contemplative. so instead of mourning or moroseness, simply a […]
advice to a stranger
wowsah, i don’t know where all this came from except that i read something posted by another about trying to decide on ‘taking a risk’ and it just…. flooded up and demanded to be written. bringing it here to serve as it may… here and now… or on some far flung day.