the last twenty-four hours have been mind-meldingly stressful. as you may or may not recall if you’ve read here long, i lost a drive in 2002 and the backups were bad and as a result, i lost 17 years or writing. it was one of the strong motivators for this place.

funny how the universe sends along such timely things.

you want to talk about unhinged? honey, i am in the fucking wind. this, a reply given to someone catching me in a raw moment… which is a lot lately. they were telling me ‘i’m not the only one’. well no shit, sherlock. but guess what, i’m just honest enough to say that right now, i don’t give a flying fuck about you. i’m trying to stabilize myself. and fuck you if you can’t handle that…. if you can’t, go the fuck away, because that’s what’s happening here. time to deal.

looks like i didn’t really need a reminder for tonight. i thought i felt a swell of focus and blew it off. well. it came ashore tonight and flat tore up my sandcastle. i’d be angry but i’m too busy laughing.

i love it when a new rose appears.

logging this for later parsing. setting as well a reminder for tonight’s blog entry. keys – language. pleonasm. communication. intention and assumption. alienation. societal expectation and related etiquettes.

for the first time in i don’t know when, i’ve popped awake ‘for no apparent reason’. i was in the middle of a dream. a dream i will not recount here. i feel it. and wonder. that is all.

this, given in reply to someone talking about ghosts, is very likely the best ‘in a rather lumpy nutshell’ summary of what i believe that i have ever managed. hence, placing it here.

i’m sitting here trying to figure out if i’m the one whose out in the weeds. if it really is unreasonable that i should feel hurt. or if it’s just unreasonable to expect someone else to know it, understand it, and not try to act like nothing’s changed.

several names occur, but none actually fit. hence, nameless. which, i suppose, is the best name of all.