sometimes, i am so ashamed of myself that it is hard to breathe. and at the same time, i’m angry with myself for asking so much OF myself. i’ve been carefully, slowly unwrapping myself over the last three years. the process has been greatly accelerated thanks to the events of 2005, 2006, and the encounter with Buddhism. i have an issue that is core. and i’m not sure how to resolve it. i’m not sure i can.
politics ick
the topic came up elsewhere and for the first time in a very long time, what i was thinking i was actually willing to say. the question was ‘why do people think it’s so bad?’ granted, vagary at its best… all the same, i think it’s common enough that the sense and meaning are implicit. so. my answer.
april 2006
written on 04-06-2006, read, re-read, agonized over, almost sent, saved, deleted from mail, returned to mail, meditated upon, removed from mail and finally placed here… a pebble in the abyss on 04-06-2007.
a ramble on…
la brea is bulging. big ol’, thick, goopy thoughts that haven’t quite finished forming. i’m trying to figure out ‘what’s coming’ but that’s rather hopeless. doesn’t work that way.
ack. a monday!
well. today certainly lived up to its most fierce reputation as the eater of human brains and general evilest day of the week.
04-01-07 random
it’s 10:30ish. i should be in bed. instead, sitting here with random thoughts. i finally figured out how to get those silly horoscopes off my phone. but i’m now unsure i want to… silly synchronicities keep showing up there. they make me smile. yesterday’s was: “Something you thought was vital is going away — but you’re better off without it.” hah. so. i keep them. for now. hrm. i still haven’t watched ‘the science of sleep’. perhaps tomorrow night. it’s been calling me for a few days and i’ve been ignoring it. supposedly, the movie deals with hypnogogia. for some […]
perceptions and connections and crossed wires
i am beginning to notice something about the nature of connection. it very rarely is as complete as it feels to me in any moment.