As I navigate online spaces, I often find myself hyper-verbal and highly engaged. My words flow freely, and my enthusiasm for topics is contagious. But despite my best efforts, I’ve noticed that some people misinterpret my intentions. They assume I’m dominating conversations or derailing discussions because my input can’t be contained. But the truth is, my hyper-verbosity isn’t driven by a desire to dominate. It’s simply how my autistic brain processes and expresses itself. In rapid-fire chat environments like Discord, forums, social media, and online communities, I thrive on being able to share my thoughts and ideas quickly and efficiently. […]
Lingua Bingua Suckma Thingma
Heraclitus and Epictetus are my two, favorite, dusty, dead Greek dudes (I like many more, but these two are personal canon favorites). Both were known for their ‘odd’ language use and I choose to believe were of similar perspective, if not neurotype, as me. My man, Heraclitus, had a grip on my concept of paradox as the ultimate herald of any existent, Manifest Truth. Standford’s Encyclopedia of Philosophy as of Dec. 2023 sums it thus: “The exact interpretation of these doctrines is controversial, as is the inference often drawn from this theory that in the world as Heraclitus conceives it […]
Rumination – Psychiatric Therapist Required
I wish I could find a psychiatrist who would just let me tell them my entire life story before getting into “the work”. My life story IS exceptional and in defiance of all neuronormativity, I am, too. But in context, so too may say all humanity. The unique experiences far outweigh the shared ones. I believe, feel, and think that my story can be helpful to others. I just don’t have the brain to write it all. So I guess what I really want is for some psychiatrist to make me a case study and tell the world about how […]
Familial Non Grata
I keep seeing videos of kids getting holiday presents that are letters from their foster families telling them they want to adopt them and make them part of their family. It reminds me of the houseparents from the children’s home I was in from age 5 to 11; they gave me a letter in 2008 of this nature over a holiday dinner at their house. I was so happy and was ready to agree as soon as I finished reading it. But they told me they wanted to wait until they figured out how to do this without compromising their […]
Turning the row (aeration)
It feels as if I will struggle with letting go of my daughter and grand-daughters for the rest of my life. I cut contact because I was tired of having my needs invalidated and of being cut out and left out of their lives. Of being told I couldn’t have access or enjoy my grand-daughters because my daughter thinks I am ‘unsafe’. Of being told that I will never be allowed closeness and care in action rather than only words. Of being told I was abusive and neglectful (I wasn’t – this is attribution error and deliberate mis-attribution / misfeasance). […]
“You don’t owe me a thing…”
Once upon a time, I had a friend. I met them in an online game, which is no longer as odd was it was when this occurred. Over years, we became long distance friends; then, when I was broken down on the side of the highway halfway from hell to home, they were a rescue and succor for a time. I gradually pulled myself back to my feet and the friendship continued and deepened. Until the day when, suddenly, and for reasons I still do not understand, it ended. From roughly 2001 to 2022, ours was a friendship by game, […]
The Harmful Truth: Why Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) and Positive Behavioral Support (PBS) are Damaging to Autistic People
Imagine being forced into a life of constant monitoring, manipulation, and control. This is the reality for many autistic individuals who have been subjected to Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) and Positive Behavioral Support (PBS) therapies. These approaches may seem harmless at first glance, but they can be extremely harmful and many aspects of both meet Geneva Convention criteria for torture(1). In this article, we’ll delve into the dark truth behind ABA and PBS, exploring how these therapies can cause physical and emotional trauma, leading to a degradation of overall health. ABA: Torture by Design?ABA is often marketed as a “scientific” […]
I am…
I am, said the universeI am, said the planetI am, said the animalI am, said myself Without agreementWithout acceptanceWithout acknowledgementWithout, all life existing Being is not a conversationBeing is not a convictionBeing is not a conversionBeing is simply existing All senses, receivingAll stimuli, embodiedAll experience, unfoldingA fractal across infinity It is enough, beingAll are a part, never apartDemanding nothing, I amDemanding everything, I am not Just being, breathingJust emergent, experiencingJust embodying, livingJust expressing, ebullience
Ruminations on estrangements
My children and I are estranged and have been for some time. My son, now age 43, since he was 11 and very unlikely to ever be resolved/reconciled. I allowed his step-mother to adopt him in 1993 as it was the only way I knew they would stop manipulating him and stressing him over his visitations with me. My daughter, now age 36, was more on and off again until roughly 2023, when it became clear that she only wants to be involved with me by phone or email, and being more than willing to insisting upon saying harmful, hurtful, […]
Old Stream Intro/Themesong
Earlier this year, I started a new stream only to discover that the weekly stay wifi couldn’t handle it. Spent a day making this intro for it, but now it’s just another marker in the field. Archiving here for “posterity” and the occasional social media reference (I have many skills, sure wish someone would hire me for any of them).